Take A Look Into the Insights of My World

2009-11-23T15:41:00.002+08:00

whoa...been a long long while since i last posted smth here on this blog of mine...i think it hasn't changed it's design since like eons ago..but then again..who cares..no one reads it anyway..hahaz

JOB HUNTS ARE SHIT...it's totally difficult to find a job nowadays...even the job agencies are like giving up on the job market..haha..

2009-04-13T15:48:00.002+08:00

omg..i feel so sinful..i should be studying for price and market now..but i am here logging..

but there are really alot of stuffs that i want to talk abt..

drunkards dun say the truth..they only say things that they have alwasy wanted to share..but no one listens and understands them when they are sober..that sorts of explains why i have been trying to get myself drunk i guess...but there's always no one to out last me nowadays..

i recently told a fren...i lost my drive to really go heads over heels for a girl..i am starting to put a logical sense into relationships which is most of the times..illogical..

how can an asshole as a bf convince a girl that he still loves her..haha..makes me wonder too..

that was a very good example as to how illogical love can be...and i simply wonder how was that possible in the first place..

being nice to people makes u feel like u are a fool..and people will start treating u like one too..

someone shared this phrase to me b4.. "always underpromise and over perform"

kinda true huh.. like "be an asshole..when u do something nice once in a long long while..people says that u are nice"
OR
"be nice and when u are constantly nice, u will be taken for granted"

sometimes..i rather be the asshole..it's too tiring to be nice to people..what's the point..no one appreciates..

or maybe it's like "nice people dun last..assholes do" hahaz..

whatever it is..there seems to be more pro than cons in being an asshole nowadays..lols

okok..enuff of the anal breed of people..

i think this is the first post in like dinkey years that i didn't curse and swear..so let's savour this moment b4 it goes away and the normal explelative filled posts comes back.. lols..

2009-02-22T16:46:00.003+08:00

i think i may need a shrink...i dunno..i think i am going crazy..

recently i have been getting very pissed at the slightest stuffs...especially when it comes to relationship stuffs...

me being single for this long...may be already bad enuff...but i keep hearing ppl talk to me abt their break ups...and what they think their partners did wrong..and bla bla bla...so on and so forth..

i am ok to listening to you and offering advice as a fren..but please be sensitive to how i would feel...

i dun need to know which girl u are meeting..what u did with her..what happened or whatsoever...

i am happy for you that u think u are doing well..but i am not..please dun attempt to rub it in..and i know that u didn't do it on purpose..but i just hope that i dun need to know..

this is just an emotional outburst here yet again..it means nth..i just need to talk to someone who listens and maybe who understand how i feel...cause i realise that my frens..dun really listen..most of the times...cause they have their own problems and they are too busy to care..which i can understand..

sometimes i think it's because i am too free...that i go ard poking my nose into ppl's business..cause i got no other commitments other than myself..i start to think that ppl take me for granted at times..

i know that i might not be a good fren..always bitching abt stuffs, ppl, and whatever..i get angry easily for the slightest of whatever..but i really dun want this..

i may appear to be very peety abt issues..but recetnly i am just unable to control how i feel..

every night i come home..i just dun feel good...i dun want to be alone..but it seems that it's unavoidable...i am losing my self..deeper..into the abyss of depression..

i want to push myself on..but i seriously cannot find any motivation to go on anymore..i cannot possibly move on at this rate...

sometimes i really feel like giving everything up..cause there's no point in me doing so much for ppl and ppl dun realise it..i seriously feel like fuck now..

i am losing my strength to move forward..and it's like a free fall into sadness now..back to where i was a couple of years back..which i dun want to..

i feel like crying..but there's no tears..how i wish i could just cry everything out and just let everything go..it's really upsetting to be like this..it is..

so if anyone reads this..

i am sorry if u thik that it's you that i am talking abt..but dun worry..it's not you at all...

everything i wrote here today..is all abt me..and only me..

Screw life..

2009-02-14T18:51:00.002+08:00

if u are reading what i am writing in this post..u can just ignore it...i am talking to my blog..i will be alright after this..

My V day post..(and it's not going to be pleasant)

Suddenly had another outburst of frustration...feeling pissed over every little thing..that's happening or not happening..

ARGH~~~~

I am so tired of being alone..not really in a relationship sense..but still...it sucks..

there are alot of things that i am keeping to myself..which i cannot tell anyone...cause no one will ever listen to me..even if they do...most of the time..they dun really care..

it sucks ok..it really sucks..to have no one to talk to..that i have to talk to this ever listening pathetic blog of mine...

as much as i hate to bottle things up..but there's no other avenue but to do that..

it's so much easier if i could cry the problems away..but i can't seem to cry..awake or drunk..

grrr...it's just sucky..plain sucky..

2009-01-22T23:30:00.002+08:00

haven't been posting for a month..so here it goes..

got a new job...working in that office is certainly not easy..not alot of ppl to talk to..

it's always work work work...people there..work like crazy..and i am gg crazy..not becos got alot of work...but just tired of the place..i dunno why..

starting to realise..that life is really sucky..as it goes by..just when i tot it had picked up or something..

i dunno..i just hope it gets better after the chinese new year...seriously hope so.. =)

i dunno if it's me or what...i just can't get things to fall into place in my own life..sometimes i sit down..think abt myself..and the things that are happening ard me..and it seems like i am almost forgotten in this tiny world..

it's not like i want to be remembered by everyone..but it's just upsetting to know that it's like that..

i am starting to lose interest in alot of things recently...or maybe i just have no mood for it..

ARGH!!!!!

2008-12-10T01:30:00.002+08:00

yeap..back here in the middle of the night..

really bored caus i really got nth to do...

can i can't get to sleep..that;s the worse thing that can ever happen to a person i guess..

recently has been a period of ups and downs..

not very easy..but still surviving well..

if anyone is reading this..i am OK(i think)....

argh..going crazy from the silence that i am getting from the employers that i had approached..

it's so stupid to be out of a job..hahaz..

cause it's a waste of time..and waste of money..

2008-11-18T22:00:00.002+08:00

never realised that being on leave is so boring..

spent the last two working days clearing my leave...i must say..it's really boring..

can't seem to find anything to do...can't seem to find ppl to even talk to...

watched Madagascar today at yishun GV...it's funny..but alot of kids in the theater very noisy..

plus somemore i was alone..laughed out loud also like a idiot like that..

got to start getting used to life like these...then maybe i can feel abit better..

i dunno..but should try to start to do things on my own..see if it's better...

meanwhile..back to work..hopefully i get the extension..if not convert back to temp..see hwo it goes bahz...

2008-11-17T23:36:00.002+08:00

had a i dunno what to say weekend...

haiz..yet another one has past me by..

looing forward to the many more to come along..hahaz..

had sort of a heart to heart talk to my pals on friday night..

didn't manage to sort anyhting out..cause i dun think they understand a single bit of what i was trying to say..

i know there's alot more ppl out there somewhere who's either feeling the same way as me..or even worse..but my point is..i hope that it turns better..

or is it that i ma super not understanding to my frens that they have their own life to lead..

i also have my own like...and it's made up of them..all along it's ike that..when they needed someone..i was there..when i needed someone..i dun even know who will be ard..

maybe it's just my take on relationships is totally different to them..maybe their partners are more impt than anything else...and i dun really agree on that point..that's what making me feel miserable..

i dun understand how ppl can live with one person..and that one person alone...

true..i agree if i have a gf one day..i will give priority to her..but still..my frens are as impt..all along i have been like that...

maybe i dun make a good bf..but it seems that now..i dun even make a good fren to my frens..

that's pretty fucked up huh..i think i have to agree..

i am sick of all the stuffs that didn't materialise when ppl say that they will do it..

i am sick..so sick..of dunno whatever that seems to pissed me off now..

argh!!!!

2008-11-13T22:54:00.002+08:00

haven't got alot of time these past weeks to write somehting here..

dunno why..but i just feel like posting something here tonight...

need someone to rant to..but no one to listen...so here it goes to my blog..hehe

i feel lost..yet again..i just can't seem to find any direction in anything i do recently..or i should say i losing my drive for alot of stuffs..

why? i also dunno...

i miss my frens..all of them..but it seems that we dun talk that much anymore..i dun even know if they know that i am still ard..

i suddenly miss my army life..which alot of ppl says that i am crazy..

i seriously believe that i am someone who loves power...and i am someone who's power-driven..

i like the authority i had over my trainees when i was in camp..i love being called platoon sergeant..i love being the one whom ppl says yes to me..

it's not that i dun like my life now and i simply love army life..i just miss the feeling of what i mentioned above..therefore..i got to work hard in life..be who i want to be i guess...

haiz haiz haiz..

i hate to be feeling fucked up..but i still feel this way..why why why??

someone tell me..pls...

gonna go crazy soon..

=X

2008-10-05T21:55:00.002+08:00

shitty day day again..

shitty feelings again..

it sucks to be like this..

are u trying to keep a distance from me?

i guess so too..

it's not easy to try to get closer...but i'm trying...

but it's seems to be repelling me everytime i try..

it sucks..

it really sucks..

2008-10-03T23:23:00.002+08:00

shifted office to MT today..damn sianz..went to work..didn't have a very good start..then in the middle was not that bad..but towards the part when moving to MT was pretty pissed...

then reach MT..waited and waited and waited...dunno for what...waste of time..

then of all ppl..let me meet that stupid person..talk also dunno how to use brain..totally pissed me off..but she was really lucky that i am not in the army anymore..

haiz..

alot of ups and downs lately again..

i feel contented to just see her and talk to her..but i think she doesn't feel that way..met her yest..she looked very bored thruout the whole time..then today i texted her..she also like no replies back at all..

i must admit it's pretty upsetting..but then i dun really have much choice...do i??

she's out tonite again..and i can pretty guess where she'll end up in the end..i dunno what to do abt it...or am i really like what my fren said...i'm fighting a losing battle..sianz...

monday will be the start of the super super boring office routine with the worst people sitting right near me..must think of a way to keep out of her sight...grr..

i have started to cut down on my smoking and maybe eventually quit...and i'm trying...and if u dunno anything..dun judge me b4 u do..cause it's not going to help me at all..

alright...pretty sianz and tired..dun feel like writing already too..the tot of everything upsets me..need to stay happy..so i can really try try try to cut down on smoking..

2008-10-01T13:15:00.002+08:00

wah..time to come and share my stories again...

feeling upside down lately..

i met this girl..initially wasn't very close but until one day we got to know each other better..then i realised that i actually start to like her..but stupidly stupidly i told her abt it..then she told me some stuffs that weren't very encouragin..and it hurts..

so fucked up..but then again..i really dunno what to do..it's been a really really very long while that i had felt this way...

will there be a fairy tale ending this time round?

2008-09-08T23:30:00.002+08:00

i manage to link my account up with the the old blog..haha...

dman sianz...

anothere uneventful day in the office..

tml will be a good day...(according to calvin who keeps talking nonsense in the office abt me and the the mian bao chao ren)

okok...going to bed..tml going to work..

3 more weeks to pay day..so gonna starve...

2008-09-08T23:14:00.001+08:00

it's a bloody new beginning to my blogging life..

life is still as fucked up as the last tiem which i posted..which was like ard 2-3 yrs ago??hhahaz..

seems like certain things dun change in life..

alot of ups and downs...alot of screw up..alot of fun times..but still..good things actually dun last at all..and that's left behind are the lousy stuffs that ppl dun wanna remember..

i feeling so fucked up now..i really really got a problem...especially my social life...i'm losing control of everything..think i am going crazy soon..
i cna't seem to make any new frens with any meaning..and my good old frens of the past are all missing..

is it really like what ppl always say..frens will always move along when time passes you by..but i dun wanna be like that...

i love my frens..i certainly hope that they do so too...but recently..alot of things happen..and in particular..i am very upset abt that particular incident..and it is still bugging me..i nvr realises that a minor change in a person's life could have such a drastic effect on me..

am i weak??or am i just useless..or it's just that our frenship weren't built to last in the first place..or is it that i am just being selfish and want everyone ard me to be the same as me..i seriously dunno..i am feeling so fucked now..

can someone wake me up..properly..and live my life with a purpose??

i am just typing randomly now..whatever that comes to my mind i just type..

i am so tired of life..i wanna let go of everything..but it's impossible..there are alot of things that i want and and haven't acheieved yet..ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

i feel like a useless freak..a fucking useless freak..especially after i ord..there's no more excuses to make for myself..for being so lonely..feeling so unwanted..feeling so fucked...

fuck the fuck up stuffs in my life..i want a new beginning which i should have..

fuck everything..

fuck whatever that goes wrong..

fuck my work

fuck the world

fuck whatever..

i'm tired..i dun feel like moving on anymore...

save me...

2006-07-28T04:16:00.000+08:00

haiz..life has not been really ok recently..fucked up days accumulated together will give u a fucked up life..

the inability of letting go has caused my life to have stalled over the past few months..i start to feel like i have been dead ever since last oct..and i am leading a life wandering in the wilderness..without knowing what to aim for and what's there to look forward to as well..i'm living my life just because it's not ending..but i also haven't tot of ending it as well..so dun worry..i wun kill myself..dun wanna go to the wrong place after i pass on from this world..

i am like a sailor without a captain in the middle of a storm in the ocean..i dunno wat to do abt my life..and i have no one to turn to for help most of the times..thinking back about my days...i must have really been a loser..

i dun make any sense of watever is happening ard me..

i am in such a mess that i cannot even explain myself..

i just feel that i wanna find a hole and hide myself..

show me some light in my road if there is really a saviour ard..

i feel so fucked...

2006-06-26T04:07:00.000+08:00

i am back..blogging..

been busy working nowadays...average 5 days a week..though i would not say i am really very happy..but i am very comfortable working at chinaone..just hopes it gets better as days goes by..

personally..recently have been deprived of personal time...no time to catch up with friends..seems like i am losing them..never hear from all my buddies anymore..kinda miss them..hope we will be able to go out soon..

emotionally..i am still empty..though i want to fill up the void..but i think i am stuck at this for the moment...what to do..maybe this is just the outcome that is going to stay for me now..

sometimes i really feel fucked up..it's like one of my worst period of time in years..

just feeling fucked..so just ignore me..

anyway to all my frens..i do visit my own blog..tag at my cbox..i wll reply..though i seldom post nowadays..it's not a dead blog..so hopw to see your msgs soon...

2006-06-05T17:27:00.000+08:00

been ages since i long posted anything here..ever since i changed to this blogskin...hahaz...

life's has been like usual..nth much to talk abt...but looking at my frens departing to tekong one by one ahead of me..sort of sianz lahz..cause i am the last one..

finally got a job..it's at chinaone...if u guys dunno where..it's at clarke quay block 3E second floor..which is directly above the TCC at clarke quay...come visit me when u guys are free bahz..working as a server there no free drinks but the place is really cool...this is the first time i start working at a place and got to make so much frens in a very short while...the peeps working over there are really fun to work with and it's really comfortable to talk to them..so to conclude..it's really very fun and nice working there..despite the late working hours and the long draggy transport home..hahaz..

seems to be losing contact with everyone nowadays...msn has been really quiet and stuffs like that..not much people to talk to..dunno why...but just like that loh..hope everything picks up soon...

and ya..after a whole two years with life in NPSU...i have finally stepped down from my presidency of NPSU..sort of a relief..but then again for the rest..i dunno for them...i missed my time in ngee ann..in the union office..and i heard that there are going to be a few more policies to be implemented soon..so good luck to all my frens whom are so used to the office..so sorry that i am not there anymore..u all take care ya..

ok lahz..nth much to write abt le..still stoning..reached home at 7 in the morning..after going to bar none with the peeps from chinaone..alright..take care peeps..remember to tag..if u are here..hahaz..

2006-05-07T16:45:00.000+08:00

hi..been a while since i posted..

eventful holidays..
lots of stuffs happened..
happy and unhappy stuffs..
dunno wat i did to piss ppl off..and ppl dunno what they did to piss me off..
contradicting stuffs all the time..
just hope that if there are things that ppl are not happy abt me..talk to me directly..need not talk abt me to other ppl..
but i cannot choose what ppl want to do..so just let it be..
changed a new blog skin..
looks better than the previous one..
just sorry to that someone whom i am really sorry abt..but things just din turn out fine..
not that i din want to talk to u abt it..but really had no chance and someone has to tell you stuffs..which i dunno abt wat it is..
anyway..to conclude..though i had fun.but it was still sort of fucked up holidays up to now for me..
but i still miss the peeps from camp..thank you for Atlantis..thank you for all that memories..

i'm not a saint..dun expect too much unless u are one who has nvr committed mistakes..

2006-03-05T02:48:00.000+08:00

Haven been blogging fro a very long time already..guess the readers here have all given up hope of me posting anything already…hahaz…be patient peeps..the update is here..

Time really flies..last Friday marked the end to my study life as I completed my last ever paper in ngee ann…thinking back..it was really one experience that I would really cherish..alot of true frens made..lots of knowledge gained,lots of personal experiences and not forgetting the new interests picked up..

Never in my life that I think that after failing my o levels that I will find fun in my poly life without my sec sch buddies who are all a year ahead of me in poly already…but I was wrong..i attended FOC camp in my freshie year and that might just be one of the best decision in my life.. I made lotsa frens from my Romans blue group..including Sham,Candace,Yi Ying,Amber,Jeremy tan, Sophia,han lun and lots of other many interesting people. School started shortly after the camp, was close to my FOC frens initially but eventually we lost touch after each of us got busy with school..but I din really manged to click with m classmates initially so actually for the first part of my first year,I was practically a loner who just goes to school and home. But I joined rugby shortly with my classmate and I got hooked to the game..hahaz..made a few frens in rugby too..but I wasn;t really committed to it..but who does in the team at that point of time??hahaz..

Then came my second FOC camp..as a GL..it was certainly fun..with my Dh..Rhino..hahaz..which after that I joined the yishun kia gang..with adam and andy…made a lot of new frens in the second camp..and because of the camp, it sparked my interest in the work of the union and eventually I ran for elections for the Students’ union and eventually I got the seat in my first attempt. Project chairmen I became.and Hopnite was my event. It went on smoothly although there were bumps and blips on the way..i managed to sort out all problems thanks to my committee members who are reall understanding and efficient..

My third camp came before my event..in the third camp..i was the DH for Spartans..and I really enjoyed the camp thoroughly..although I had more work to do this time round..hahaz..made a lot of new frens and got to know my juniors better..and made a lot more freshies frens compared to my one when I was a GL though…

Then came the time for my second term in the union..i ran for elections again and this time I got in again..and was elected president this time round..became really busy and eventually had gave up a lot of things for the union..but just that ppl at times wun understand the stuffs that I go througn…but still..i enjoyed my time as the president of the union..

It was until my third year that I got closer to my classmates..and I realized that we actually can hang out together and have fun..with hong ting,sam,celine and me,,with mingyi. Ah guan and the rest..it;s really fun..rugby in my last year also had progressed a lot..nvr will I think I will given the captaincy for at least a game..and n the end..i was captain for the day..though it might not be much to anyone else..but it’s really cool to captain..able to lead a team out onto the field..

Now..the end has come..i dunno but I really feel that this has been the best three years of my education life.. with real frens made,fell in and out of love..learnt a lot abt life and ways of handling stuffs..truly..poly really let ppl learn a lot of stuffs other than school work..

I will miss all of you out there in ngee ann and I will leave the poly with all my tots on all of you and hope that u guys miss me too..

Keep in contact peeps…

2006-02-13T02:55:00.000+08:00

another 13th day of the month..

fucked up weekend..

2006-02-01T02:17:00.000+08:00

been an alright cny..

but i dunno if i can still let the past go...someone save me..

i dunno if i am doing anyone wrong..or watever..

save me..

2006-01-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

haven been posting for a long time already i presume..hahaz

been really busy lately..alot of proj deadlines to meet..but after next week...whee...i will be free from projs and be able to just wait for my final exams..

been really a memorable poly life..i will surely miss it..for all the things that poly had bring me..

NPSU,FOC peeps,the Rugby guys..all of you have been awesome manz..

been really pleased to have met all of u..

thanks for making my life in poly something that i will remember all my life..

though i may be down and out at times..but i have always come out stronger and survive all of the bad stuffs..

thanks for sharing all the fun and laughter too..

changed a new song for my blog..but it made me think quite alot..cause it was her fav song...

maybe now it isn't anymore..

but whatever..i like the song too..

anyway..peep..keep in touch yea??

love all of ya...

2006-01-11T04:22:00.000+08:00

My 100th post..but it's not some happy milestone..

sorry to all those whom i had told them i am alright..but i really cannot take everything myself..and i guess this is my only outlet..so bear with me for tonight...

sometimes i really wondered..

was whatever i had asked for from you in the past was over the expectations??

If anyone had asked me about everything about this issue a couple of months ago..i would still have said..i would still be able to understand that it was too rush to ask u to show that bit of effort to make everything work out between us..despite me assuring you that everything would turn out fine if you had put everything in the open..

guess u really learnt something out of the past..and u put it into practise..

to be honest..i am really disappointed..

i really am..

cause what i had wanted to see..is right before my eyes now..but from a third person's perspective..

i dun want to talk abt who had put in more effort in whatever shit..but do come into my shoes to see how you would have tot of everything that i am looking at now..

i am really sorry if my words had hurt anyone in the process of tonight's post..

but i feel really fucked up at this moment..and feel that i have been deluding myself recently...

fuck everything..

last 6 weeks of school...

gotta work real hard to pass...

but i am really tired of school..

need a counsellor i guess...

going crazy..

i'm mad...

mad..

2006-01-10T01:55:00.000+08:00

actually i wanted to blog about something i feel about..

but i forgot wat i wanted to say after the page was loaded..

so i guess i will give it a miss..till i remember wat i wanted to write..

so till then...see u guys ard...

2006-01-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

haha.blogging for the first time since i changed my new blogskin..but dun really seem to have alot of ppl here lehz..how come ah??

did the layout turned u guys off??
haha

it's sad..but dun worry..i am not sad..i just like the theme..so enuff of the "are you sad" qns yea??hehe..i appreciate all ur concerns ppl..i love u guys..but i will be happy de..or anything else but sad..so dun woryr abt it yea??

ok..been busy with the common test..back to school in less than 2 days time..proj presentation in a week..super sianz...how how how??

no choice..have to do the projs ahz..grrr...

ok..leave a tag if u all are here yea??hehe

see you guys ard..

2005-12-30T18:41:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey...yoz yoz..

i am back..

first of all a BIG THANK YOU to all my frens who popped over and said that they care...thanks for everything..

i am freaking alright now!!!!!

managing well now..life seems to be picking itself up..and prepare me for the new year..
2 more days..to 2006!!!

hope that the coming year will be cool..cause i am turning 21..just in case u all dunno..my bdae is on 22nd April..so get ready ur gifts...hahahahahaz..

ok..got to sign off now..

thanks for all the care and concern my frens..

i'll see ya ard soon..and happy new year!!!!!!!

2005-12-27T13:10:00.000+08:00

been a long while since i last posted..

to whoever it may concern..
i know that u know how bad it feels to be hurt..
maybe it was just the way thing would have to end..
and people do change at times..
and it proves that this time round..
i will not be the one...
it would have hurt less if not for ur words that had made my day...
but at the end of the day..
i got nth else to say..

and to my frens who talked to me last night..thansk for everything..pamela,shermaine,hongting,jeremy..
thanks for everything..
thank you for making everything looks better..
and last but not least..to sham..
thank you for all the words of concern and encouragement on ur blog..
really appreciate it..
though i have lost something...
but i gained more good frens...
thanks to all of you for everything...

2005-12-13T20:12:00.000+08:00

13/12/2005 --> 240 days since i first met and talked to you...still missing you...

didn't know if what i had said had made any impact..
but i am really lost for words..
must admit that i am not perfect and maybe i am not good enuff..
it's pointless to be comparing the both of us...
we belong to two different worlds..
our committment towards our lifes are different..
i'm tied down by work which i readily accept with grace..
time is a very impt factor and i understand...
it's something that i cannot have any say abt it..
it's not that you are not impt..
and that other stuffs are more impt..
it's just that i have a responsibility to answer to everyone..
maybe that's the price to pay for all the pride and honour that comes with it..

i thought i could just kept silent..
but in the end..
i still could not keep myself shut..
cause i really find that i still care about everything that is happening to you..
i may not be the best man ard..
i may not be the one there when you needed me to be..
i may not be everything that you want..
i may not be everything that you need..
but i really cannot think about all the What IFs..

what if i had kept quiet and just let u move away?
what if i kept my distance and not care about you?
what if the past had not been like wat it was?
what if i had made full use of everything possible to convince you?
all the what ifs is killing me...

i am regretting..
seriously..

2005-12-04T18:15:00.000+08:00

been a while since i last blogged..reason for not blogging is very simple...i dunno wat to write on my blog..been busy with the challengers recruitment recently..and also settling the details of the camp...camp is coming in two weeks time..whee..i love camp days..hope the participants this time round will love it too...

mind is in a mess lately...think my brain is playing tricks with me..suddenyl..i lost all passion for the things i am doing..and suddenly it strikes back in me..

just had a very funny request from a fren of mine..asking for someone's number..was puzzled and felt funny...but i dunno why i was thinking abt it for so long and i actually acceded to the request...but i did it reluctantly..confused..

thinking***

hungry..going to catch a bite..then if i got the mood..i shall blog again later...

2005-11-24T21:41:00.000+08:00

back to my blog blog blog...

been a week since i last blogged...alot of things happened over the week...

like i scored my first try this season against RP..the last try..hahaz...maybe the last try i will ever score in m life...cause i dun know if i want to continue in rugby...

although we lost the tournament...but i am so glad to be able to know a bunch of totally wonderful team mates..and playig with them is really my pleasure...you guys rock yea...work hard for the Navy 10s that is coming up...

did nth much after the final game on friday...was too shagged with new injuries on top of the old injuries...so i went back school..to stayover to paint the banner for challengers camp..hahaz..so off i went back to school..met up with the rest...had dinner at al ameen..then proceeded to halo bar..been months since i last go there...everything is still the same..other than the pool table changed cloth..hahaz...and plus..the waitresses are still the same...hahaz...chit chatted with them..while waiting for time to go back and start work...started painting the banner at ard 12am??hahaz...then it dragged till ard 5 that i got to sleep..hahaaz...slept till saturday afternnon...then i went home to changed and go to xw's bdae celebrations...

at XW's place i met up with alot of my old mates from PHS...really missed them alot..even XW's mother missed me..hahaz..she was asking me how come so logn nvr go to her house to stay le..lolx...then we sit down chit chatted again..lolx..talk and talk and talk...was supposed to go out with the guys..but in the end decided against it..cause i din really have alot of cash to spare...so took a ride on thomas's car home..and rested b4 watching man u play charlton...3-1..was really intereteing..and after that i fell asleep on the seat in the living room..hahaz..

sunday...mom and dad went to malaysia...but i chose to stay at home...wasn't feeling really well..so i stayed in Singapore...Kat came over to my place and we were eating junkies and watching VCDs..hahaz...pig the whole day away...till mom and dad came back..and i drove her home...

monday was not that interesting...had only 4 hrs of lesson...the headache was killing me...so i only attended half of the lecture...went back to office to rest..had exco meeting at 730pm..and guess wat..i end school at 1pm..sianz..in the end..not full attendance somemore..even sianz..

tuesday...din go school...cause the headache really killing me..so off i went to the polyclinic to see the doc...it took me 3 hrs..wah sianz siaz..my head was like splitting...and had to wait that long..but i got no money..no choice lahz...hahaz...the commoner's doctor...during the evening i met kat..came over and watched the remaining VCDs...hahaz..and then she brought them home le..lolx..

yesterday..which is wednesday..hahaz...went to school..had meeting after the challengers booth..discussed out the ideas of the camp..and stuffs like that..and i went home str8 after the meeting...reached home..slacked the whole night..haha..slept late again..as usual...

TODAY!!! hahaz...reached school on time..but was abit late for lesson..hahaz..but the teacher peace out one...so nvm lahz..hahaz..IS modules...i think he not that particular..learnt how to fix a 13A plug today..which i sort of know how to do it b4 hand already..hahaz..so din have much difficulty..went for WISP afer that...saw quite a few interesting presentations..but when it was until my grp to present..the teacher decided to postpone our presentation..hahaz...so we are presenting it next week...went down to hallengers booth..the booth made good progress and we already hit the century mark..hahaz..so we'll see how much more ppl we can accodomate...hahaz...

that was wat happend over the past week...all the incidents..

as for how i felt over the past week..it was really a rollercoaster ride...
it was really high at times..but also low at times too...

if the darkness of lonliness is something that has been a part of you..
let me be the one to take them all out and replace them with the brightness of life...

2005-11-15T22:46:00.000+08:00

yet another start to the week...had training yest...did some drills..not really that tiring ones..to prepare for the game tml...yea..gonna go whack some asses..hahaz..

met up with the sub theme one peeps at the glass house fish and co over last night...had fish and chips..and today i am havign a sore throat..die die die...better not fall sick tml...praying hard...hahaz..after which we went to play billiard at parklane...played till around 1130 and we left to catch the last train..the train station person..gave me ten one dollar coins when i aksed for small change to get the single trip ticket.. so i end up going home with a heavy pocket...

today was a less interesting day..went for lessons..then had meeting at office..went to paste posters over the school..tt's all i did..and i had dinner at home..lolx..

hey people...Challengers camp is up for registration..limited seats ya..sign up ASAP..it's only 12 dollars for 3 days and 3 nights of fun...(t-shirt included)..so look out for the booth from Tuesday 22nd November Onwards over at the Atrium...

2005-11-13T12:55:00.000+08:00

yet another sunday at home...think that this is going to be my standard routine for the time to come...

had an enjoyable weekend once again..other than today..watched the movie "dragon squad" on friday night...it was relatively good..not that bad...haven't watch a chinese show in a very long time le..so it is still not tt bad...

b4 the movie..i went to amk k pool to meet up with kat..her fren was downstairs with her when i reached and i sort of realised that i have gotten into someone's way on friday...but i just kept quiet...anyway..played pool..once again..then of all things..sdar called and inform me of the changes in the orientation plans..think i am gonna upset people once again..sometimes it made me think if my job in schol is all about making ppl upset and angry over the union...and am i going to be the target number one for all things that does not goes my way...i dunno lahz..but just feeling screwed..

so after the pool session..went home..had dinner...and went for the movie...nothing much went on after the movie..had another memorable friday night...but i am not sure if things had gone the correct way...

saturday was a day of rotting once again at home...nothing much to do..so spent most of the day sleeping..and i slept real early last night...at 11 pm..haiz..
i was nearly knocked down by a car at the zebra crossing downstairs after i walked backfrom the train station..the car din even slow down at the corssing..and sped past me llike only 20 cms from knocking me down(i was already halfway thru the zebra crossing and approaching her side of the road)...not that i want to condemn female drivers..but she really is a serious case..not only did she not give way to me when i was crossing..she nearly banged into another car after passing the zebra crossing..

sometimes things just happen..with or without a reason..i dunno if it's meant to be...but i just dun wanna give up..give me some light on my road..so that i wun bring myself or maybe you into eternal darkness...or if u need some light..i hope that i can be the light that shine upon your road and lead you right out of darkness...

how much does it hurts to fall??it doesn't if the fall was for someone you like..but it will hurt real bad if it was from someone you like..

moodless...

signing off...

2005-11-13T12:54:00.000+08:00

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

Chorus:
I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

(Chorus)

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

2005-11-10T15:10:00.000+08:00

back in the office blogging...today is IS day...so lessons were quite interesting...

yesterday wa a bad day for me...things just din go the way i want i guess...went for the medical check up in the morning...the other guys were late...so was waiting for them..then got Pes B...sianz...i think it's because of the skin allergy bahz...then rushed back to school to take school bus to tp for the game...but i fell asleeep on the bus...and the effect came to me after we reached tp...was feeling lost and lethargic all of a sudden...and i got subbed onto the pitch at half time...when we were still leading..but of all things that could had happen to me...i mistackled a guy and he went on to score the winning try for SP...haiz..

went down to cwp to meet kat after the game...had a very packed bus...and i stood in the bus from tamp till khatib b4 i could get a seat...i got kicked in the face from the game also..and i was feeling real tired..and i stood all the way...

went to cwp food court and saw kat's frens...so joined up with them and after i had my dinner...we went to play pool...din play really well yest...my back was hurting me all the time...and also the shoulders...sianz..

so after the pool sesion...together with ci hao and hong siang...we walked kat hom and then after which i took a bus home...but last night i slept early cause i wasn't do anything...and there was nth for me to do also...sent some msgs and i fell asleep while waiting for replies...hahaz..but in the end..the replies also nvr come in...so i still think it's alright..if not msg ppl then nvr reply to their replies i will feel so bad...

back to tuesday night...was online with sophia talking abt the both of us in the past..realised alot abt the past and we were laughing our way thru at all the stuffs that we did..hahaz..also talked to janice as her bdae was on wednesday...so wished her happy birthday online...hehe...

i am goin crazy soon..grrr....i dunno why...maybe a lack of rest...or i am just being too bothered by the stuffs that is happening...i need to chill and cool down already...

sometimes..i just wonder...life is surely fulfilling and interesting..but it also brings out alot of negatives..despite the positives...so hope that i can walk thru this patch of negatives and get things sorted out....

signing off now..too tired to post already...both mentally and physically....tataz....

2005-11-04T21:18:00.000+08:00

whoa..another week has gone by...hahaz..it;s friday again...not a really very eventful week..but it was still pleasent..packed with activities..met up with my buddies...long time no see them sia..was like fun talking to all of them at the same time..feels so good to have people to talk to..

when there are high time in life...the low time will also come in...i seriously dunno wat is wrong manz..seems like i am the bastard of the year now...i dunno and i dun care..dun wish to elaborate more...fuming..

i shall forget abt the unpleasent stuffs..and just keep the sweet old memories that has happened...and i will strive for my aims and my goals for this sem..must jia you..

stayed over at sch last night..had quite a fun night..it was a last min plan..and it was the first time i was staying in school "illegally" any yet be so open with the activities..hahaz..had a lot of fun in the office and today i missed my 3 pm lecture..hahaz..cause i couldn;t sleep..alot of ppl was walking in and out of the room..hahaz..went training though...was easy..did team run and was asked to rest more..hahaz..tt's alll for training today...going for a movie later..yea..i haven't watched a show for ages..hehe..

will update more later...

2005-10-30T09:21:00.000+08:00

A night to remember...

supposed to have gone down for ashley's bash at indochine yest night...but i really could not find the mood to go down and no one is getting tickets from me..so i also nvr go down in the end...

then i went to meet kat at admiralty..to go down to candy empire at millenia walk..so off i went..met her at 245 and then set off to city hall..reached citay hall and made our way to suntec and decided to grab a bite before going over to candy empire..so went to bk and eat..after my first meal of the day..we went on our candy hunt..hehe...but not before i sort of convinced kat to buy another top..hehe..

so finally we reached candy empire...the biggest candy shop i ever stepped into..hehe..if u guys are free..just go check it out..hahaz...shopped in the shop for ard half an hour..saw kat picked up loads of candies and chocolates..and i picked some gummy..that said sugarfree and it's wine gummies..but the one i bought turned out to be a fake..haha..does not taste anything like wine at all..in the end..the bill was ard 38 dollars...and we left the shop shortly after making payment...

headed over to suntec to visit tiffany..she was working at the exhibition held there...the learning festival one...she looks so much better now..think girls change when they start working bahz...anyway..talked rot with her abit.then we left suntec...decided to have some drinks and chill..so we headed to ocean pacific cafe at raffles link..had some chocolate chillino..it was nice..but maybe a bit too sweet for me..hahaz...

after the the chocolate..we headed to our destination over at pasir ris..was to attend this chalet with kat's friends..her frens was quite funny and talked some rot..and funny things happen too..like wat happen to her frens after they were drunk..lolx..anyway..kat and i headed to the beach to relax and talked..so we started walking and walking and walking till we came to a clearing where we could see the sky..there was no clouds..and we could see stars...it was super romantic sia..hehe...but if only..haiz...started talking...and talk and talk..under the cloudless night sky..looking at the stars..we lied down on the rocks and started singing to her phone's mp3s..shared some stuffs..and got to know each other better..everything was like so scenic till her frens popped out from behind us..hahaz...suddenly her frens came and saw us..so came over and talked to us..then we realised that how come suddenly the beach area turned so bright...hahaz..shortly after that..her frens left us alone..and serenity returned to us...but that also meant tt kat is falling asleep...so we lied down on the rock and she fell asleep then and there..and i was there sinigng to myself..hehe..but it was really something to remember...

after she woke up and we decided to return to the chalet for some rest..and upon reaching the chalet..there was no space to rest..hahaz...so we were like lazing around and then we decided to leave for home..and her fren sent us to tampines and then we took a bus back...planned to have breakfast at khatib..but i decided to not wake her up from her sleep and thus i sent her home straight..so reached her house and walked back to her block..on the way..saw her sister and they started talking..so i was there smiling to the both of them..hahaz..so she went home safely and i then took 965 back to khatib and now i am back at home blogging...cause i cannot fall asleep..but sleeping soon..

with the above accounts...it has ended the best night of my life in a very long while..with great company and also a great stary night to go with...hehe..

2005-10-25T23:09:00.000+08:00

a rainy tuesday...yes it was..totally dampen any mood...felt bad abt something today..supposed to meet someone..but in the end i din go..cause i din hear the phone ring...so sorry abt that..

i din go out today at all..other than going downstairs to get some food and chips...i stayed at home practically..

i dunno wat i wanna write..sort of a mental block...felt like writing but not knowing wat to write abt...argh...

troublesome troublesome troublesome...feeling messed up all of a sudden...when i tot i had straightened out my tots..it turns into some kind of a chapalang mode..hahaz..lalalalaz...turning crazy soon...lalalalaz...

shall stop blogging le..nth to write abt...

lalalalalalaz...

2005-10-23T22:07:00.000+08:00

back to blog after the most eventful week of my holidays i guess...had a really memorable week packed with activities and also the deeply appreciated company for most of the week...let's start with monday..

Monday 17th October 2005
supposed to have training in school..ut as i wasn't really feeling that well and also the poly forum has taken out so much energy from me...i didn't attend my training on monday..ended up slacking the whole day away at home...doing nth really fantastic..but i got to know a new found fren better and we talked on the phone for the first time and we had a really enjoyable chat session..and that marked the start of a great week ahead..hehe...

Tuesday 18th October 2005
tuesday was suppose to be a rest day for me at home..and rest day it did for me..spent the whole day resting again..cleaned up my room abit and then slacked for a long period of time..was on my phone the whole day practically..nth really special occured other than the continuous ringing of my phone..which was for the first time in so many months sounds so soothing to my ears..

Wednesday 19th October 2005
Training day again..somemore it's a raining day...dragged myself to training initially..but i am glad that i had attended training too...had a wet and muddy pitch over at block 50 field..and in the end got all muddy by the end of training..Katherine came over to NP and meet me after my training...after which we went over to KAP with the rest of the ruggers and had a really enjoyable chit chat session with laughter non-stop thruout the whole night..left KAP for home at ard 1030pm tt night..took a train home with her and send her home as it was relatively late already...after i took 969 home with a very friendly bus driver...hahaz..

Thursday 20th October 2005
supposed to meet sham to go buy boots over at queensway...but last min cancelled cause non of us could wake up on time..so again...i woked up at ard 3 pm on thursday again...and i dunno it was the umpteen time i woke up at tt hour during this vacation period..replied kat's msg..and then i realised that my mother wun be cooking dinner and i had to settle my dinner on my own...but thanks to kat..who accompanied me for dinner and recommend me to the korean food over at cwp's food court..i had a very enjoyable and fulfilling dinner with a great company and also good food...after dinner..we walked ard cwp for a while and in the end we found out tt we weren't walking ard cwp..but just getting down the escalators every floor..hahaz..we got so bored and nth much to shop ard for..so we went to play pool over at cwp also..and i must admit tt she plays really good pool..the best female player i ever played with..and she's only at it for like half a year..keep up the good work and u can be really good...after the short but fun pool session...i suggested to head home as she hasn't take her dinner and after which we left cwp and i walked her home before i left for home again...and again i took 969 home..and guess wat...i saw the same bus driver as the previous night on the same bus and he sort of recognise me..and smiled at me..cause i boarded at the same bus stop..hahaz..and tt ends my thursday..hehe..

Friday 21st October 2005
so fast and it comes to the last weekday of the week...got really no choice but had to replace my boots..so i met sham over at queensway and bought a pair of new boots..the adidas F10+..it's grey in colour..bought it for 62 dollars..where other shops are selling 69 dollars...after shopping..went back to school via cab..as training is abt to start and i still got unsettled stuffs in the office to do..so went back to school..settled all my work and then i left for training..had a marvellous turnout of like 25 people??tt's like a new record number of ppl coming down for training..hehe..but i truly enjoyed training on friday..although i think have sort of injured my neck durng my training..as sham came knocking into me while we were playing grip touch...and i also got a big blue black on my collar bone area...after training....i immd rushed down to sengkang to join in the celebrations of my aunt's bdae over at my grandad's place...had alot of food and shared some interesting encounters and stories with my cousins before heading home with ah yao and shu hua...

Saturday 22nd October 2005
woke up relatively early on saturday..i think it was before noon...had to clean up the house for mother before i go out..so after both dad and mom left home at 3...i started on the cleaning up of the house..finished at ard 340..and called kat..agreed to meet up at 445 at cwp..and off i went to cwp after my shower to meet her...met her over at cwp..and we went to visit edmond at work over at the Hello shop at cwp's basement..so guys..anyone who wants a sony ericsson phone and wants to buy from singtel..you can go there and find him..help him with his sales abit..kat met one of her sec sch fren over at the shop also..a promoter for singtel as well..so the three of them started talking and i was there listening..and looked ard the shop for any good offers on for singtel..so after much shopping and chit chats at the shop..we left for metro to look for a gift for rhino..walked ard and decided to get some perfume for him..from armani..smells quite good..after which we left for the chalet over at aranda..so we reached aranda at ard 7 pm..amazed to find tt no one i know of there.other than rhino,adam,eddie and litong..so kat and i left for a walk before heading back to the chalet later as aaron hasn't reached the place yet..we went off for a walk and ended up talking on the bench by the beach and started to share and compare some stories..hahaz..shortly after which..aaron called and asked us to go back for the cake cutting..but in the end..when i reached the chalet..the cake was already cut..hahaz..so i missed out on the cake cutting and the bdae song..lolx..after tt..went down to help with the bbq..was made the otah and satay man in order to pay for my "debt"..hahaz..i make quite good satay kz...hahaz...but why the otah was burnt was becos of the over heated fire...hahaz..not i no skill..lol..after i finished with the bbqing...went upstairs for mahjong...but before tt..played snap with aaron and kat..and felt so guilty for like playing a game tt kat could not really understand..then like we bully her like that...so mahjong started with eddie,litong,aaron,me and kat..so we played and played and played..till 6 in the morning..and i won like 5 dollars?hahaz..litong won 47 from the other 2 guys..and shortly after..all of them left...

Sunday 23rd October 2005
left the chalet at ard 8 am..after listening to some funny conversations between the parents of rhino and his gf's mother..lolx..took a train back from pasir ris...talked with kat over the journey till we reach city hall and changed to the north bound train..after which..kat fell asleep on the train as she was really tired..so i was sitting on the train..humming songs to myself to keep myself entertained..and miraculously...the train ride seems to be very fast...like within a blink of the eye..we reached admiralty already...and so..i walked her home from the train station before taking a cab home from her place..reached home at 10 plus and after my shower and exchanged some msgs with kat..i went off to sleep and woke up at ard 3 plus..msged kat again..after which she went out with her frens..and i got nth better to do..i fell asleep again..hehe..woke up at 7..and after eating some junk food..i decided to blog..so here i am..supposed to go zouk tonight with miko..bt in the end both of us too tired and no one to go also..so nvr go in the end..another day yea??hehe..

that marked the end of my wonderful week which had past me by so quickly..and how i hope tt the week wun end and everything will be the same for the rest of my holidays and the days ahead..with so much fun and enjoyment...

signing off now...have a long enuff blog entry already..so guys have a pleasent time reading it...

2005-10-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

yeppie...back from poly forum...lots to blog abt..and i dunno how to start...

DAY 1
met in school at 730...and starrted to be fanny's butler for the day...helped her with her bags and stuffs like that...head counts and other stuffs..and on our way there...we started to take photos on the bus and start to talk rot...hahaz...upon reaching there...put down our bags...and then discussion started immd...talked abt our own findings and share the pointers..was alright...other than they dun really bother abt us..which sorts of put us off from contributing further..but other than that..it was fun to share..got to known a few peeps ard..but din really get on good talking terms..volunteered to do the presentation for my grp to the rest of the sub theme and which i did...and i think i did a relatively good job.. =) after that...it was check in time..met my room mate for the first time..hahaz..a very nice and frenly guy...lots of humour sense..and ya..some thing embarassing happened during our first conversation..this was wat happened..it started off after our own introductions and he asked me this qn..let's name my room mate XB.

XB:"you are the NPSU President right??"
me:"ya..how come u know??"
XB:"i interviewed you b4..during ur tea reception in august"
me:"oh ok...but did you??cause i remembered it was a girl who interviewed me."
XB:"ya..actually it was a girl who asked you the questions..i was behind her."
me:"oh ok..tt pretty girl ah??but i forgot her name..but she's good looking"
XB:"oh..is her name ****??"
me:"ya...that's her name..but you dun go tell her i commented that she is good looking k?"
XB:"why not?"
me:"not nice mahz...like talk behind other ppl's back like that."
XB:"never mind lah...she is my girlfriend anyway."

and i was so shocked after he said tt and i just turned away and decided to shut up...hahaz..
and there was a second incident at night in fanny's room..when elyn and me was in fanny's room talking rot..and the scene was tt elyn and me was sitting on a bed and fanny was on another bed..(it's in chinese)

me:(tapping elyn and raising out my hands)"Tang?"[i asked for sweets]
elyn:"Bu Yao"[she replied NO]
me:"Huh???"[was puzzled why she said no]

then in the end...she tot tt i wanted her to lie down on the bed..when i was actually asking for sweets...ended up laughing at the top of our voices together with fanny..hahaz...

with the above two episodes..it marked the end of the first day..

DAY 2

my roommate and i are really super roomies..hahaz..woke up at 945 instead of 630..went back to our discussions at 1030..then everyone was like so shocked..but no one knew tt we were missing all the time till we appeared..nth much funny went on on the second day...and it was plainly discussions all the way...and visit by the malaysian youths and some datuk of malaysia..was enriching..the poly student in JB are like so much older than us..and it was something new tt we seen...then after tt was dinner time...then it was social night..social night was boring...walked out of the dining area after 15 mins of the program started as it was really boring..headed to the bar for a drink with my whole group and a new fren in Shermain from SP..hehe...after tt...went over to si peng's room and spent the rest of the night there...with room services and wine from the bar..spent around 100RM tt night in his room..hehe..then went back to sleep at 3..

DAY 3

woke up really early...as we had to check out...so we checked out at 830 and headed for brekafast and more discussions followed along and then finished the day off with the final presentation...took more pictures..with alot of other ppl...and headed back to school...did nth much other than hanging out for a while after we reach school and took a cab str8 home..too tired le...hahaz

Closing ceremony of PF 2005

yea..the alst day of PF 2005..felt tt i din accomplished anything during the whole forum so i shall try to make up on the last day of the event..exchanged contacts with a few other ppl from some other polys...and also got to know more ppl..after the closing ceremony..it was followed with mroe pictures..till my camera died on me..hahahaz...after the photo taking.went back to office to settle on my stuffs..and decided to meet up with the other participants from other polys...so off we went to millenia walk to meet them for dinner...after dinner..we headed to town...slacked at the coffee bean at forum till ard 12 plus..before we headed to far east shopping centre to play some pool and billiard..we played till ard 3..then we left..and went to shaw house to use the toilets there..slacked there for a moment b4 we decided to go home...and it was ard 4 when i reached home last night...

so tt marks the end of the whole forum period..and i am glad to have gotten to know the ppl over at the forum..and i really hope to keep in contact with the peeps as they are really fun ppl to hang out with..so if you guys are reading this..by accident or anyway...nice to have met all of you..and add me on msn @ s1a0k1a@hotmail.com and frenster @ cheehow27@gmail.com..

tataz...

2005-10-08T02:41:00.000+08:00

*WARNING*the post below is going to be depressive..not for the depressed...

have been really discovering how bad life would be during the holidays...i dunno..but i am bored..suddenly i feel tt frens has distance off..made alot of stupid mistakes maybe..i dunno...but i am just left alone..all alone...to bear the "coldness" of a lonely holiday..and this is suppose to be the last one tt i can really go out and play...the next holidays will be a long tiring one..

it is yet another lonely friday night..dunno wat are my frens doing..they seems to have disappeared from the face of my world...where are all of you???missed you all manz...

but in true fact..i know where they are exactly..and at they are doing...my good frens are now in the army le..haiz..really no time to see each other le bahz...i should be in the army by now..if i had been tt bit more hardworking in the past...sometimes i really think back to my sec sch days..did i really make the best out of it..and did i perform to my best??during tt time...i told myself i did my best already..no regrets...but it seems tt i could have done better and i am having some sort of regrets now..but then again..if i had not taken that path in life..i wun be where i am currently..which i am sort of glad..so i feel contradicted at times...i am enjoying good status now...but at the same time...i seem to have lost all the good frens and my buddies...tt's how life can be..and how fair God can be to ppl??

life is in a total mess now...came back from training today...super unfit me i should say...did some drills and i am already having difficulties catching my breathe...how am i gonna play in the upcoming tournament...haiz..think i will lose my place to the other team mates i guess...if i still dun improve on my fitness...

as sad as i can be...being the head of an organisation is not easy..something i had learnt over the past few months..been under some sort of mental stress...i dunno..maybe it is self-applied or the surrondings has given me the pressure...but at the same time...it has made me grow up alot and learn alot...like how to manage different ppl and trying to bring out the best in everybody...but up till this current moment..i still haven acheive tt..but i am still trying...but sometimes...being a student is not easy...and it is never easy being a student leader...but i had chosen the route i want to take..and i have no regrets...but sometimes deep down i still ask myself..having a status like this but not appreciated..in fact i am like just another guy who has to be in charge of all the odd jobs...then why in the first place they need someone like this?

true...i am not some special talent...neither clever nor charming...maybe nvr to get a chance to really prove who i am...and what i can really do...

feeling lost...if there is any shepherd ard...come guide me home...or sent me onto a road of brightness and not let mi with stuck in darkness and boredom...

i dunno if i am turning into someone whom i dun wanna be...but it seems like i am getting very low in mood nowadays...morale hasn't been high recently...a dip in my moods..and it's not swinging back to the good side...how how how??tell me how..

send me a shrink..or just someone simple..someone i can pour out all my feelings to...someone whom i can talk to without having to run away from reality and truth..someone whom i can tell them my dislikes of stuffs and ppl without offending anyone...maybe i dun need them at all...i just need doraemon...bring me back to time in the drawer and i shall try to change my past..to see wat i would be presently....

in all senses...being me now..is somehow fun.and also somehow disturbing at times..tell me wat can i do...haiz...

2005-10-05T07:55:00.000+08:00

this is my name in full...

2005-10-04T23:20:00.000+08:00

this is so cool...try it @ http://www.cyborgname.com/

2005-10-04T22:33:00.000+08:00

yawnz...today i slept till late again..i think i got some sleeping disease..hahaz...keep nuaing in the bed and refusing to come down of it..someone get me soemthing to do to drag me out of the bed...haha..but...in fact i have got enuff things to settle already...wat i meant is tt when i have nth on..get me something other than my work to do..hahaz..

nothign much actually happen recentyl..nth mucht o mention..so i din know wat to blog abt..nth much to do also..i dunno..hahaz..seriously.i m becoming so i dunno man..cause everything ppl ask me...i just reply i dunno...wahahahha...defragmenting my lappy now...and it is getting laggy...type stuffs then like 2 secs later the things then will appear..funny..haha...

from tml onwards...i have stuff to do already...lalalala....got to go back to meet this june from NYC, then having training..got to settle my i&e tml..then thursday got to go do the poly forum project..imagine tt...holidays...still need write reports...hahaz...how interesting my holidays can be...luckily i got very interesting grp mates..lolx...friday..got to meet a minister in school...and then at night most prob will be partying...sat night i got ah tat's bdae to attend..

nth much else to blog abt...shall stop here..if anyhting interesting later..i shall blog then...

2005-10-03T10:50:00.000+08:00

Guys and girls...go view this clip...it's super nice..actually wanted to paste the whole player...but then..i could not figure out how to do it...so i am giving u the link...

http://www.youtube.com/?v=MzOGZEn6BG8

tataz...go see it..it's very nice...

2005-10-03T10:35:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/v/MzOGZEn6BG8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350">

2005-09-27T21:38:00.000+08:00

been another long day..so long after my event..i am starting to work on my i&e statement..hahaz..it's 80% complete...so it's almost done..tml go back and touch up should be ok already...

read some blogs earlier on...and came across an entry tt really set me thinking...and i sort of disapprove with wat the writer had mentioned...but also agree on some parts though....

my first point...man are not heartless...it's just tt guys are much adaptable to changes in surrounding..therefore..it seems like man changes heart or feelings easily...guys can readily make changes for the changes in his surroundings...not becos guys dun feel anything...but it;s just tt guys can make changes for the ppl they loved...and try not to give them too much pressure...but it's tt sometimes girls dun understand...and the guy will try to make the girl understand...but if she does not understand it..the guy most prob will just leave it there as it is..cause he knows that it's pointless to explain further...

isn't it better to remain constant rather then lost..but it just reach a point of time when the amount of commitment will be imbalance...and tt's life...nothing's fair in this world...if the world is fair...bill gates wun be the richest man...and there will be no more saints or devils....in regards to a relationship...guys are the ones who usually go after the girls...so it's defenitely the guys will be the sweeter one in the front stages...then following after tt..if the girl starts to fall in love with the guy..there will always be a point by which the feelings start to balance up and life goes to normal...it's not tt the guys only cherish the front parts...and start to lose interest...but it's just tt..maybe sometimes girls think tt guys should take the initiatives and always be the ones doing all the stuffs...it's true that guys should take initiatives...but it's a relationship...we need both hands to clap...don't we...we cannot always be the one to start everything..there are situations where the ladies should have their say first...but it usually happen at the wrong situations...

second point...guys ain't made of a steel heart and we pump blood..not oil...guys can feel pain too...tt's not an exclusve right to anyone..cause every human is entitled to that...so dun take tt out for the guys...after putting so much effort into a single relationship...and seeing it fail right in front of a guy's face..it's not something bearable...but it's just tt guys swallow their pain and not let it out to everyone...

it's not a fake anyone during the honeymoon period...but at tt moment of time...the girl are usually still unsure of their feelings...whereas the guy has already put in 100%...therefore...the guy would certainly remain constant after the honeymoon period..so after tt period of time...the girl might fall deeper in love...or fall out of love..no one knows...and if ur love for tt certain him has increased...the girl cannot expect the guy to increas at the same time..cause from the start...the guy has already been in 100%...but if more expectations are heaped onto the guy's shoulders...it might cause tt feeling to drop..cause the guy feels tt he cannot love u the way he did anymore..cause wat u want...is what he cannot give..

i dunno why i am writing this...and if that writer sees this...i am sorry...no offence..but it's just my point of view..

need a break...see ya guys later...

2005-09-26T21:37:00.000+08:00

wah wah wah...wat a boring day...as again..another boring hoilday...haha...felt lonely sia...alll the buddies are all in army..or on attachements..or just plainly disappeared...hahaz..suddenly i felt tt the world is actually quite lonely...

as usual..woke up late again...suppose to go school today...in the end i din attend...or should i say i din go...cause there was nth to attend to...hahaha...lame right..lolx...must start planning for wat to do for the rest of the week already...hahaz...if not i will be so bored till i die...weekend is going to be another killer...

but i felt so peaceful lately..dunno why..but it is just like that lohx...and i just discovereds i can type with 4 fingers on my left hand....but only 2 on my right...funny yea..hehe....

think tt is the result of boredom at home...someone ask me out pls...whoever is reading this blog...

ask me out...i am free...

2005-09-26T02:18:00.000+08:00

back from supper..unable to fall asleep..so here i am blogging...wasted my weekend away as usual...hahaz..lost 60 dollars in mahjong on friday night...shall ban myself for mahjong for a while...hahaz..

then went for steamboat with cousins on sat..then back home for the rest of the night..after playing some dota..as usual...got thrashed..lolx...

dunno wat to write..but just felt like blogging...

so here i am blogging...

so blog i shall...

and blog i did..

got to go...need to get some sleep...nights..

2005-09-22T22:35:00.000+08:00

hahaz....back from the class chalet...though we din do alot..but we still have fun ya..hehe..like the chit chats and the bbq..the attempt to clear all the food..the lousy charcoal..and not forgetting the "ah tiang" stories..haha..it was memorable..hope it was for the rest too...and u did a great job ivan...dun worry..hehe...

the chalet was sort of refreshing..bringing me away from school work for a few days...sat down and think quite alot for the past two days..and reflected on the past...was there some things that i should have done or should no have...and my priorities...it has been sort of mind wrenching...and i am still turing ard in circles and unable to come to a decision as to wat i want to do for all the stuffs that went thru my mind...

should i try to salvage it..or should i try to repair it and then live normally..or should i just let time heal everything...it's confusing..there are prices to pay for each of the choices i came out with...i dunno if i am still as deeply in love or the feeling has already left me long ago..it seems to come and go at times...and it's not doing me any good...i feel like talking to her sometimes..and sometimes i dun...i think i am going mad..i dun wanna see her like this emotinally...but othere than that..it seems like she has been leading a more fulfilling life currently..with the frenship she had mustered and strengthened over the past month...being able to talk with her frens more...hanging out with her frens..then it made me think about wat should i do...cause i am afraid too..afraid of implicting hurt on her..haiz...i am puzzled..tell me wat i should do...can someone lead the way and show me the light..or at least tell me how u are feeling...haiz...

as for me..the past month has been exams and exams and exams...only this week i had some time to really think of all the stuffs other than school...it seems tt time really will make things better or should i say time has healed the wound...i dunno and i am really puzzled...and it seems like ppl who can give advice are not neccesary able to handle their own problems...in the past...i offered advicess to my frens ard me..handling their problems..analyzing the problem for them and most of the times..solved it for them..but i cannot solve my own problems now...i cannot truly say tt i dun love her anymore...cause i still miss her at times...but i know the amount of hurt i had given to her..and somemore it was during the most critical period of time..i dunno how is she feeling now..cause we haven been really talking..other than occasional smses i send to her..asking abt how she is and some other stuffs...i had wanted to try to start the topic about us..but i always cannot find the opportunity or should i say i am afraid...i think i am afraid..and i really am now..

someone advice me pls...

2005-09-14T21:50:00.000+08:00

ARGH!!!!!!!!!

i cannot possibly belieed wat happened to me today.....wat in the world was i thinking abt...screwed up manz...i did something that almost all human can nvr do...so today i was classified as a God bahz..

i F*****g left out a 25 mark qn in my paper and i submitted it without realising it half an hour after the paper...wat the *tootz*...feeling damn screwed....

%^*&^@&*^#&@*#&^@
the above signs are telling u how was my day today...14 sep 2005...screwed up day...i msged my tutor after tt....apologised for m mistake and he replied me with "do not worry its ok"
i dunno wat in the world tt meant...is he tryign to tell me it's ok tt u left out the qn...and then it's ok to repeat the module...or is he trying to tell m e tt he might try to help me out with this prolem..i certainly hope it is the latter case..pray hard fo me peeps...really feiing damn screwed...tell me wat to do...argh...

no mood to blog further....shall blog next time bahz.tata..going to study for my next paper le..

2005-09-04T23:08:00.000+08:00

back to blog....

had a long long weekedn...let's start from friday....went out with my dear cousins...and i really must say tt they are really dear cousins....haha...supposed to stayover in school on friday..but i went out b4 going back to school...went over to double o with them...and wat a choice to go to double o....although the drinks are cheap but my cousins really splurge alot on them manz..a jug of screwdriver and vodka ribena as a warm up...followed by a tray of tequila shots...then two trays of sex by the beach and lastly one more tray of tequila shots to end everything...it was really super deper high for me in the end...they like pushed all the drinks to me...and b4 i met them...i finished up the remaining half of the bottle we have left at halo with ken and kx...so tt night i drank alot...hahaz..was walking ard inside double o for dunno how long...sat down with ah shen to talk talk abit...poured out all my emotions...and tt's one of the things i remembered doing b4 i left double...wat's more remarkable was tt i actually talked to some lady inside double o..but i could not remember wat i actually said...hahaaz...but it was just a casual chat..and she looks way much older than me...hahaz...then after tt the lights came on and i left for school alone on a cab...could not remember how much was the cab fare...but i did pay the cabby...reached school and fell asleep all the way till 630...

went for the yellow ribbon walk..but not b4 vomitting the residue of wat i had consumed the night b4...lolx...ya..it was a long walk...surely longer than the 3.5km they told us about...liars..hahaz...then after tt went back home and slept till ard 7 pm...lili called me...then i went out to meet her at 10 plus...to meet her to study...haven seen her for a long while already...so it was nice to see an old fren..so we spent the whole night studying at the mac at hougang green till mornig when we really could not take it and decided to call it a night...lolx...met two of her frens too...talked rot while studying the whole night...but not after they moved next to our table...and my "greedy" ears heard wat they said and they were laughing abt it..lolx..

ok..woke up at 3 today...shortly aftr i woke up...ah lai called...ask mi go play soccer at blk 440 yishun...so i went...the pitch was more like a swimming pool...hahaz..but enjoyed myself today...played well too...assisted the first goal..and in the end we won...6-4 the final score..hahaz...high scoring huh..buy 9+ goals...sure win alot sia...hahaz...i finally got to know her blog add..and read her blog and her tag board...saddens me to see wat she wrote..and also wat her frens tagged at her board...but to be fair..everyone can say wat they want..and i even came across someone who even says tt he will break the union windows..be careful with wat u say huh..lolz...if the windows do really break...then u have nowhere to hide...lolx..btu i am not really affected by wat her frens said...just felt tt i dunno if i had made a correct choice...but it has already moved to such a stage already...stuck in between...dunno wat i want..confusing...haiz...then i msged her...and she replied..but it was more of those how are you msgs lahz...behaving more like starngers now...but i really got no solution to that..but tt's the only thing that will happen for now i guess...cause i dunno where to go too...

confuse,confusing,confused...

2005-08-30T22:15:00.000+08:00

haven been blogging for the past few days...so here i am back now...shall try to start from where i let off from the last post...

again...i din go school on friday..and spent the whole day resting again...but i went back to school for a movie marathon...but i only reached at 12 midnight..hahaz...watched school of rock followed by the incredibles...then i forgo the last movie and went back to the union and sleep...

woke up on saturday morning and together with a fever...was feeling real bad..but i still made my way to sengkang to play mahjong with my granddad...was really tired out by the end of the first round and i went to sleep...after i woke up...they still playing sia...then got dragged in again...cause my cousin has to leave early...so i was there playing till my dad says it's time to go..and finally i am freed from the table...did nth much on sat night..other than settling sme personal stuffs and sorted out the relationship finally...

sunday was more interesting...went to watch valient at ps with claryn and turtle...the how was quite funny and it's a worthwhile watch...but watch it on a weekday ya...if u go on a weekend..u will end up watching it with a whole lot of kids and their parents trying to keep them in control..hehe...after tt i went home as the both of them went to work..then later at night..went over to rhino's house and played games...again..lolx...

din managed to wake up on time for lessons on monday...and i ended up going to school late...hahaz...wanted to settle the union work with fanny..but she was on mc again..sianz...

today..never go school again..hahaz..been rotting at home the whole day till now...and here i am blogging...hahaz...i slept the whoe day today...omg...i slept till ard 12 today...went back to sleep at 3 till ard 830...i dunno wat's wrong..but i am feeling really no energy today...sianz...

ok.shall blog till here...until something interesting comes up tonight..if not..i think i'll blog again next time..tataz..

2005-08-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

fucked up day...dunno wat's wrong..but everything just went wrong....

everything just din go to plan...a day of rest became a day of major disturbances and unhappiness...slept at 5 in the morning...got woke up by my mom at 8 to go to the market with her...returned at ard 9...fail to fall asleep until 10 plus...then my damn phone has to ring from like 11 till 1...NONSTOP!!!!!!!!! learnt my lesson...should have switched off my phone whenever i plan to have a day's rest...

ok..someone came over to my place today..without informing me or anything...just popped over while i just fell back into sleep...and when tt person arrived..my dad had to wake me up like there is an earthquake...and i woke up abruptly...but seriously and honestly..i wasn't in the mood to do anything at tt point of time..other than sleep...if it was you who had tt little sleep...u would have felt the same.

ok...move on to the other point...ok...i may have been cosing up with u too closely untill u cannot take it...and i realised it..tt's why i stopped disturbing you..den u fell asleep...i left my room to another room to sleep just not to disturb ..cause i move around alot....

so...seriously i dunno wat the hell is ur problem with all this...and u have that mindset of me deeply etched in ur mind and i dun find the point of explaining to u abt the same old things over and over again.. if u dun take wat i say...so be it...i rest my case...maybe i am just tt bad a companion...and to remind u..i din tell u tt i am a saint in the first place..and no one is a saint..

i know if u read alll the above..u will feel so sad again..but this is how i truly feel now...and tt was my damn explanation for everything...and if u really cannot see my point...then dun anyhow make a point and point it against me...

THANKS

2005-08-23T22:06:00.000+08:00

Yay...projects are really over already...hahahz...feel so stress free now...yea yea...hahaz..so happy...

been a really busy semester..no time for anything else other than union and school...dunno if it was a good thing or bad thing...confused..have done fairly well for the sem up till this point...so also wish to do well in school...projects have scored well up till this sem...a B+, an A+, 15.5/20, and still got two more which i dun really know abt the score..

plans for the remaining of the week is to take a break..and start to really study for the exams in the coming week....not really in the mood to blog further today though...haiz..so i shall stop here le...tataz..

2005-08-21T12:33:00.000+08:00

back again on a sunday afternoon...was a tiring day yesterday at the carnival..it looked really bad as not alot of people attended..but tt does not seems like i have less work to do...i had to walk ard and check on the guys outside who was caught skiving...hahaz...and the organiser kept calling me to ask me abt my group mates...and i had to answer calls and kept walking up and down..but on a personal note..it was fun...talked rot with alot of people..got to know more people...and stuffs like tt..and had alot of jokes with the guys while we were out jalan jalan-ing..lijke all tha magics we came out with the acuvue hand band and the other nonsense that we shared...hahaz

today..another long daay..national rally to attend at nus...i dunno how to go also..sianz...and it's a 5 hour event..i am so tired...cannot finish my proj..how??die die die...

dunno wat to write already..shall blog again tonight...tataz...

2005-08-18T22:22:00.000+08:00

i am back...wat a tiring day..spent the whole day on projs..hahahz...but quite fun..did shooting and designing of posters for CFAS...it was fun...

been feeling funny lately...ultra tired...i dunno why..but i am just tired..no matter wat i do...i am tired..i do get enuff sleep...but i am still tired...go for a short exercise seems to be killing me already...tink i need to work out more..also emotionally wise...tired heart too..lethargic...sometimes i find it hard for me to find anything to motivate me to go on with my interests or my passion...it's too tired to follow my heart nowadays...

hahahz...approaching the end of my sem already...next week is the last week..then two weeks of study break..need to really jia you le..dun wana fail anything this sem...it's super difficult...hahaz...

ok..really tired..shall blog later if i can think of more stuffs to write...

2005-08-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

Hahahaz...a new blog skin...dunno if nayone would notice it other than angeline..caued she sort of helped out in helping mi change it..lolx...will try to publicise it more..lolx...

Thank You Angeline!!! not only for the blog..but also volunteering to be there for me if i ever need someone...thank you...thank you for ur words of encouragement also...there are not really other words that i can say to you other than thank you...cause u have really been great...

and ya...was talking to my beloved sista too...hahaz...see i wrote abt you...somemore about the beloved part...lolx...so next time u must write about me kz...hehe...Ok lahz..enuff of the crap...but thanks for all time wasted on me..listening to my woes and my complains...giving me some ideas and ways to solve my problems....really appreciate it ya...i am really grateful for that...dunno how i would survive without ya...u r the best sista i could have ever asked for ya!!!hehe...*hugs*

and not forgetting the people around me for the past few days....thanks for the concern and the advises...i am trying my best to get over it...and try to come up with the best solution for my problems already..thanks for all ur support..

ok...i got to go..my maiden post for my new blog will end here...tataz...

2005-08-08T02:47:00.000+08:00

haiz..a repost to a dead blog...after like 4 and a half months since the last reply...been really an eventful four and half months...a post exam period of fears and anxiety of failing a module,a long and tiring but interesting and meaningful FOC period,an end to a long awaited singlehood,the appointment of presidency to the union and the impeding start of singlehood hitting me again.

Lots of ups and down,highs and lows..but there were periods of meaningless life as well...let's start by the first item i listed...

Fears of failing a module
one of my greatest fear in my polytechnic life...and that is to repeat any more modules..i know i am not a hardworking student but i am not tt stupid too...but sometimes ppl makes mistakes..who doesn't...and all man has fears..but luckily the fear was lifted on the day b4 my 20th bdae,on the day when my results are released..i passed tt particular module with a D..i know a D is not something really to be proud of..but i am really glad to pass tt module because i made loads of careless mistakes in tt paper..

FOC Period
FOC period this year is different from the ones i had previously cause this year i am involved in the planning and the execution of the programs itself...rather than just following instructions blindly...it has been really enriching and i did learn alot from the activities..most prominently hopnite..to me..it was a great success compared to other years which i had attended..(no offence to the previous organiser) and i had alot of fun from hopnite itself...made a whole load of new frens...not from hopnite only..but also from the camp...it surely was the most enriching holiday period i ever had...somemore i celebrated my bdae in camp..realy glad to have frens like them..and the surprise they gave me was really cool..

End of Singlehood
Got to know a really cute and sweet girl from FOC this year and she happens to be a gl for my neighbouring group...was really close to her before camp and also after camp...we started to talk alot since the day we first met at the matriculation maze as we started off the conversation with us claiming to be each other's cousins cause we share the same surname..it was really interesting and at tt point of time..i got a couple of my frens who were interested in her as well...but well..at tt point of time..i wasn;t and i really treated her like a sister only...then came the daily dose of phone calls and late night conversations together...we grew closer and more attached to each other..fell in love with her at tt point of time and i decided to make some progress...and really it did work out in the end..and on the 13th of june 2005, i got together with her...ending the story of us being "cousins" effectively...

Appointment of Presidency
Ran for elections for SU again this year...aimed for a top 2 positions and in the end i really got wat i aimed for...the President of the 24th Exco of NPSU...it sure does sound prestigious..and news spreads real fast..people ard me got to knwo abt the news and congratualted me..and i was sort of happy at that moment...but the upcoming events really made my heart sank..the SLS in particular..clubs and societies approached the union only for one purpose..and tt is for financial assitance...it really did set me thinking...is the union ther really only to provide money??if it is so...why do we need a finance office...but i understand fully that the union should provide help to these people cause they really need help..but it is their approach towards us that has put me off...and the issue of the cca points...it made me really think tt either some people has no brains or they really are brainless...cause it says MAX 9..not confirmed 9...and let me tell all the arses out there..who thinks that the 9 points is really marvellous...it is not easy to obtain either...i have to accept alot of questions and huge responsibilities are on my shoulder...i am not making myself to be that pathetic to gain sympathy...neither do i want any sympathy...with great roles comes great responsibilities...so since i had agreed to take up the role..i will handle all the responsibilities that comes with it..and people out there...if u wish to see me fall..i can tell yu...FAT HOPE!!! i had come so far...no way am i gonna quit...

Impeding return of Singlehood
the mention of this topics saddens me..only less than two months into the relationship...problems are resurfacing once again...the same old problem...mi not being trustworthy enough...i dunno wat's wrong seriously...the relationship has becoming like a stalemate...it has stopped progressing forward..at leas it seeems to me tt it is like this now..at the present moment...we are not that close anymore...i dunno wat to tell her..cause i got nth to say...and she thinks tt i dun want to talk to her...i dunno how she got all these ideas tt i am acually talking to her for the sake of talking to her...but i am not...i am just tired..of work..of everything..where were you when i needed you..i planned out stuffs to make a day memorable..in the end it backfired and shot myself in the feet...i asked myself if i was foolish or was i plain stupid...or it's just tt u cannot make a sacrifice for me...and just tell a white lie for once..i am not encouraging u to lie...but i just dun understand why...i told u i needed you alot...but all i get from you is wait...and at thei presnt moment..i am still waiting..but i am tired..becos fo other factors ard me...and u are claiming tt i am not giving u enough support...and i am not helping out at all...think abt it...when i told you tt i am behind you no matter wat happens...u chose to do nth and just sit still and wait for the day to come..and now..it has come..but i had already resigned to fate that you are not able to make the necessary changes for me as at the present moment...but my support is there...and u keep thinking tt i am not there...so fine..watever u say counts...cause i really dunno wat to say....

i haev been thinking abt the past few weeks..it has been no different like when i am single..in terms of lifestyle...late nights out with my frens...stayovers...but with the same old qn popping out...where is my gf??i really dunno how to answer the qn..or maybe u should say tt i am tired from answering qns like tt....cause i have been repaeting my answers all over again and again...u dun realise my situation and yet u are saying tt i am giving you the cold shoulder...but look at the period of time when i am free..it's either u are not free..or you have to be at home...how many weekends have i spent alone..when was the last time we catch a movie..when was the last time we went to town together..i admit tt i dun have tt much time for u as well...but it seems to me like our lifestyles clashed with each other in some way or another...and the way of how our family perceive our relationship....i am totally at a lost now...i dun want to lose you but at the same time..it is very tough for the both of us to continue in this manner..unless something happens and lift the relationship up...if not i am really at my wits end of how to solve this big big problem....i dun want to see u suffer becos of the relationship and at the same time i know the impact of a bad first relationship it will have on an individual...

i am really sorry...really...

sometimes i think back to the time when we got together...mayeb at tt point of time u still dun really know who am i..and i also did not have a fuller undersatnding of u...i blindly and stupidly tot tt as long as we loved each other..no problem is too great for us to overcome...and in the end..our problems all start from an incident that happenend even b4 we got together...and it has been bothering us since then...wat am i gonna do..i dunno...can someone tell me wat to do...

haiz....

2005-03-23T00:10:00.000+08:00

hihi...back for the second time in two days....amazing right...i still remember abut my blog...haha...studying in school right now..but look at the time..hahaz..12.11 am...lolx...can u believe it...hahaz...but here i am blogging

today has been unbelievable day...hahaz...i actually studied abit more than i usually would..but tml is the more impt day..hahaz...needa chiong all the way tml...first paper here i come..hahaz...

somebody help me..i need alotsa help this time round...i dun want anymore Ds coming my way..i want to do well..ahhaz...pls grant mi some motivation...anyone..hahaz...pass mi some motivation..if not i will have to borrow alot fo luck to avoid yet another D...haiz...

i know i should study in order to score...i reap what i sow..but what shit is that..hahaz...most of the time...i dun reap what i sowed...lolx..so it does not matter...ok lahz..shall be abit more positive...anymore ppl vieing my blog??/it's alive once again..if anyone out there is reading it...pls tag to let mi know that u are here...or u were here...hahaz,,

Ciaoz...

2005-03-22T01:48:00.000+08:00

blog blog blog...haha...haven been blogging since dunno how many light years ago...guessed everyone gave up on my blog already...so if anyone has been visiting my blog..pls reply..on my tag board..lolx

so what have i been up to lately???what else ppl??all those in my school will know that exams are ard the corner or infact at the corner already...hahaz..so that means that i am mugging real hard for the papers coming up...but got one very serious problem...i cannot absorb anyhting in..haiz...some ppl says that i am too tensed up and some says that i am too relaxed...but i really dunno what made mi like that...

22nd of march..what a day...30 more days to the last day i can call myself a teen..wonder if anyone knows abt it..hahaz...but if u seen this..u should know what to do....muahahahaha....

i think it;s the pre-exams tension that prompted mi to blog tonight...needa find an outlet to release all the tension that has bulit up over the past week...all the "i haven't study yet...how sia??" syndrome has made mi go crazy...lolx..

this will be a very long post tonight as i haven wrote for a long time..hahaz...othere than studies..life has been interesting...had a great IVP season with my rugby team mates this year..made alot of good frens in the team this year and played well too..although we came in 4th bu we are still the best among the polys..but watch out for ngee ann next year..cause we are gonna train harder and going back to kick some asses next year...for example ITE and NUS..hahaz...other than rugby..it goes to the union...union work has been busy for the whole sem as alot of meetings were popping outand events are coming...so the union became quite busy but was quite fed up with some of the people and stuffs cause of some problems which i dun wish to elaborate on...but then again..i decided to adopt the bo chup attitude finally and just dun care abt them le...hahaz..think it worked...cause i feel much better now..

as for relationships...i got nth to say abt tt...been confused lately and dunno what it takes to determine if i like that someone..and also no courage to find ou more lahz...hahaz...enuff abt relationships..but i am still looking forward to one...hehe

okl ahz..tired..dunno what to say...tml got to go sch i think..needa pick up some stuffs...gotta go sleep...tataz ppl..hahaz..see ya ard..and pls...remember to tag my tag board if u are here...and that applies to EVERYONE and ANYONE who was here to read this post...hahaz..nights..

2005-02-11T14:54:00.000+08:00

hi i am back again....third day of cny...blogging in school...as i need this for a assignment submission...sounds cool ya...E-commerce has really been fun and enriching although the workload is quite heavy and alot of creativity is needed..but it has been fun to work on my website...i can't wait to see the final product at the end of the semester..though it may sound boring at first..but as the website starts to build up...the more excited i get abt the project...i am already halfway through with my website and hoping to do well for my common test...hehe...shall log off for now and see u guys again later..Happy new year....

2004-12-03T01:00:00.000+08:00

another boring day as usal..but had quite some fun...during my meeting...had some difficulties..but i managed to put the problems in order le...was actually looking forward to the meeting..because was expecting a huge turnout rate..but in the end it was still not that bad..anyway..i am NOt angry..so dun worry ppl...hope to see u guys ard at the next meeting...ppl..if u are reading my blog....listen up....put some trust and believe in urself..as well as believe in me...i wun pick the wrong person for the wrong job..i have absolute faith in the ppl i choose to work with..so be confident and dun be afraid of screwing up...no matter how big a problem there is...u can come discuss with me...so dun worry guys ya...

i am so tired....physically...maybe mentally and emotionally as well...i dunno what;s wrong..but life still goes on..so hope that hthings will pick up soon...and everything will turn out in my favour this time round...i am so stoned now...staring into blank space...brain not functioning...how sia...sianz..dun feel like writing le..tataz ppl...see ya soon...

2004-11-30T01:30:00.000+08:00

hahaz..been a long long long while since i last posted...need to clean off the the cobwebs..hahaz..guys...if u all pass by my blog...tag my tag board!!!!!!!!!! so i know u guys cmae and i will kepp it updated..hahaz...finally the last week of itp is here...looking forward to friday..nvr loved friday that much b4..haha....

been busy with attachment and left with totally no life...but also been busy with hopnite...and with sch starting soon..maybe time to go back to rugby...haha...ivp coming again..lolx..dunno abt that...but i hope i can make time for sports..if not turning into a potato le..hahahaz..

itp has been interesting..but tiring..that is all i can comment on my attachment...hahaz...

as for personal life...recently just fond a new spark of life..something to look forward to..and someone to look forward to also...think i am crazy..but i sometimes do miss that person...but dunno that person knows anot...anyway..it has always been like that...sometimes really dunno what to do also..haiz...

anyway...take care peeps..see ya in sch..hahaz..tataz

2004-11-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

heyoz...long time never blog lehz...ever since exams finished...hahaz...been a busy holidays...and a sad one..my grandma after two long months of pain..finally passed on with life..and can finally rest in peace...haiz...and attachment was fun...the people there are very frenly and good to work with..but i end up missing one whole week of work...haiz...got my first pay le...only pay for the first five days only...but enuff to feed mi for a few weeks ba..haiz...anyway...post another time ba...tired..

2004-10-18T01:45:00.000+08:00

whoa whoa whoa.....time is running out...hahaz..die die die....how sia..

time id running out le...stress is coming on to me....how how how...hope i can cope it...hope that i wun have another sleepless night tonight..hehe..ok lahz..tonight will be short...gotta go mugging le..and mug real hard..hahaz...tata..

2004-10-16T13:03:00.000+08:00

wahahha....one paper down le...still got four more to go..sounds sad ya...

The paper today was the first paper that i ever took in my ngee ann life that i actually can write some sense into management related papers...hahaz...caused i did study for it this time round...so proud...lolx...but for the ret of the papers coming up..gotaa pray real hard the difficulty level of the papers will be the one today...if not i am at least gonna repeat one module...praying hard hard sia...hahaz...fmgt..pls be like this...hahahahahahhaz....

now slacking in union..not studying...starving..haha..dunno what ot eat...feel more like sleeping but i am still here blogging...dunno what the hell i am doing..just too bored i guess...needa wind down a bit..hahaz...monday's fms is gonna be a killer i guess...hope i can make it..hahaz...just printed out the chap 10 notes...nearly faint sia...57 slides...wonder how he ever finished that much in one lecture...given his way of lecturing..hehe...but anyway...the sem is over le...now only left me to test my knowledge le...hahahaz....hope my brains dun fail me..hahahz...

okie..gotta go out of blogger le..hahaz...if not it will just go on and on...and ya..tonight....man utd vs birmingham..hahaz..will man u continue the good run...or will steve bruce's man get a win against the mighty red devils for the first time?? ask mi and i will tell u that i will be putting all my money on a man utd win...but guess waht...i have no money...hahaz....gotta ciaoz...if not i'll expect some rotten eggs to be thrown at me if i continue my rubbish..hahaz..tataz...

2004-10-15T16:29:00.000+08:00

a new blog skin...hahaz...red devils rockz manz..haha...

hey hey...a new blog skin...red devils showing here..hahaz..dunno what to do..so changed my blog skin..and i find that this is nice..anyway...tml is my first paper le...battlefield is one day away...needa work hard...CHARGE!~!~!~!

was studying and editing my blog the whole of last night and i was on the phone till nearly 6 am..hahaz..too energetic to sleep i gues...must be because of the M&Ms i had..haha..chocolates give mi too much energy le..haha...

just came back from grocery shopping..nees go study later le..hehe...oklahbye..ciaoz...will post when i am free..maybe tonight..or tml after my first paper...

2004-10-13T21:42:00.000+08:00

HeY HeY!!!!

Yoz yoz..been a day of boredom..haha...went down to NYC to collect the parking label for the NYF...but then again...the Ms ROSE din tell me to bring down the wrong one in order to collect the correct one...so i made a wasted trip there..think i am gonna go there tml afternoon again..hahaz...

I NeEd To StUdY!!!!!! HELP....

wah...only managed to complete hrm manz...how how...paper on sat and from mon till thursday..no time le....argh....but then if i got no time..why am i here blogging..hahaz..got no mood lahz...think this is gonna killl me..hahaz...hopefully i do well..praying hard..needa do really very well for fmgt..hahaz..need at least 60 marks from the final to pass...hope i will pass...i dun wanna fail any modules...sianz...the tot of it scares mi manz...

ok lahz....gotta go...if not no time to study le...ppl..tag my tagboard to let me know tat u guys were here lahz..hehe... :P

2004-10-11T01:08:00.000+08:00

haha....fianlly collected my pants...

hehe...what an eventful day i guess..hahaz...woke up at 1 pm...brushed teeth...bathed then went out with mom and dad to go grandma hse..hahaz...then after that..i went to suntec to collect my pants from G2000...suppose to meet turtle and xy and robert and eric at 4 at suntec..end up no one reached until 445...wah piangz...and turtle din even come to suntec..candace went to shampoo her hair and then we walked ard like idoits..dunno where to go..hahaz...finally when she was done...we took a cab to fullerton hotel..dropped her off there and went to centrepoint to meet mr turtle...better to let him wait then we wait for him...hahaz...

guess that xinyi also kenna infected by turtle virus le..hahaz...meet at 4..i think she 630 or 7 then came to town to meet us...pengz..hahaz...after she came..we went scotts to have dinner at crystal jade...after that went to wheelock place's sakae sushi to slack and eat some stuffs..then after that..went over to mccafe at shaw house to slack till 11 pm then go home..haha...

then when i was on my way home on the train...got this guy suddenly vomit in the cabin...he vomit a lot of stuffs sia...all the ppl near him alll ran away sia..all scared...hehe...but then again...damn disgusting...eeek...imagine puke in the cabin..and u have to sit there till u reach jurong,..haiz..anyway..got to go le..tired...bye bye...

2004-10-10T02:11:00.000+08:00

HoHoHo
been a long while since i lasted posted ya??
lemme see...since 23rd august..haha...ard two months...having cobwebs in my blog le..lolx
thime to clean it away..hahaz...
lotsa stuffs happened betweeen these two months...so time to "upload" some patches to these ppl out there...tune up ur downloading speed..hahaz...

ever since the last time i posted stuffs on this blog...lotsa stuffs have changes..like my status and lotsa of other stuffs...firstly i would like to say sorry to that certain someone whom i think i had hurt the most during this period of time...i really enjoyed every moment with you when we were together...but all the events that happened during then..made me realise that it would be better with things going this way now...i know i had hurt u deeply...but then again...if we were to continue going that way...we would be hurting each other further...therfore i took up the decision that i suggested..i know that u cannot take it..but it is the best way out...trust me...i am sorry...thanks for all ur attention and care during that period of time...and dun worry...if u need a certain someone at times...i will be there...

ok..other than what i had mention...things got even worse...haiz...failed two papers in my common test...din study hard enuff i guess...so got my self to blame..haiz...needa work hard fo r the finals...

this holidays...i am going for my ITP program at DBS vickers securities..hahaz...sounds cool right..but the pay really abit out of the range where i expected it to be...hope i can survive with peanuts...hehe..but i am sure it will be one hell of an experience for me..hehe..looking forward to it..hope that it wun turn out to be a disater for me at the work place....praying hard for good ppl working at there....hahaz...and ya..besides that..i am gonna visit the PM on the 30th of this month..at the ISTANA..hahaz...dunno to be happy or to be sad..but then..no choice have to go...so go lohz..once in a lifetime experience..who can get to talk to the PM at the istana..hahaz...

ok lahz...gotta stop writing and sign off le...that's the updates for now...see ya guys soon...and pray for my next update to be somewhere sooner..hehe.haha..take care guys...call mi if u guys miss me ....hahaz...dun forget hoh..mi now very free..so call mi when u think of me...hp 24 hr on for u guys..hahaz...bye bye....

2004-08-23T00:58:00.000+08:00

hahaz..finally got time to blog..hehe..

today is a nice day...drove for the first time sia..and it was to pick up dearie..hehe...it was fun driving alone..no restrictions at all...but i scared i get caught for speeding sia..hehe..was trying out my max speed at dairy farm road untill i saw the "speed Check area" sign on the side of the road..hopefully no TP was ard..hehe..if not sure suspend license one...50 km road i driving at 110 sia...so scared..praying hard..

went to thai express for lunch today..at holland V..it was nice...green seafood curry..dearie had curried soft shell crab...guess she really loved it..caused she finished everything...except for the rice..i finshed everything..except my curry gravy..hehe...suppose to return the car to dad at 4pm but then he sent me to go pick grandma up at kallang...and i brought her home to wait for my parents..

finally dad and mom and gang came home....we went to OCC for dinner..hehe..it was nice..had alot for dinner tonight and dearie was praised by my grandma sia...she say my dear clever sia..hehe...i got a smart dearie sia...at least to my grandma...and i agree too...cause she is smart..that is why she is mine..lolx..too bad guys..she is attached...

gave dearie the cds today..she seems to like have no reaction it lehz...but later in the night she told me she liked it..i think she means it..i love u dear..hee...

now on my bed talking to dearie..reading up the notes..hehe..and not forgetting blogging..multitasking..hahaz...gotta go..ciaoz..miss ya dear..if u are reading this..

2004-08-19T21:25:00.000+08:00

blogging for the second time today....that shows how free i am at home...i miss my dear...but she is not around and she is not free either..busy studying..jia you kz...u only got two papers..so relaxed..hehe..not like me..have to struggle with 5 papers..will have to do my best le..hopefuly i can do well...

i'm so bored...wondering where is she now...should be at the movies ba...she said she watchng a show with her brothers...i want so much to tell her that i really missed her alot..smsed her le..guess her hp is in the bag...that's why no reply as yet...i am still feeling bad about yesterday...and somemore she still sounds kinda reluctant to talk to me when i called her in the evening...hopefully things can turn out well in the end...although it has only been a short week since we got together...i feel really attached to her sia...dunno if i am too sticky or wat..i also dunno..i hope i am not...haiz..really dun like the feeling of having disagreements with other people...especially someone dear to me...

STUDY...the word that keeps appearing in my head..i need to STUDY..but no study partners..abit sianz....got questions also dunno ask who...HELP!~!~! i am going crazy...5 papers in 5 days and some matters affecting my mood...not in a really good condition to concentrate...that is why i am writing a blog...trying to diversify the troubles and stress so that i could concentrate on books..but guess that it is not helping..cause the more i write..the lousier the mood gets..haiz..gotta stop writing soon..if not really dead by the time i finish writing..

i really miss u dear...
i miss ya lots..

2004-08-19T15:06:00.000+08:00

haven been updating my dear blog...gotta clear it of cobwebs le..hehe...

guess it has been a week since i last updated...alot of stuffs happened during this one week alone..the best thing that could ever have happened to me...finally i found the correct someone...so happy..i am enjoying every moment that i have with her and hope that she does also..i am really happy to have u dear..and i am serious...had some misunderstandings last night...and i am really very sorry for that...didn;t mean to do that..it just slipped off my mind and i wasn't sensitive to your feelings...but dun angry le k..i am really very upset abt it also...haiz...

went to rhino's chalet during the past weekend...had lotsa fun with the guys there..and not forgetting the time with my dear..rhinos going to army le..after friday..the yishun kia gang has to temporary close down le...boring..no ore ps2 meetings,no more cm network..hehe...but that means i will have more time for my dear...hehe...

okie..think i shall stop herer..gotta study for the common tests le...bye bye.take care to ppl who are reading this....an not forgetting to say i love u dear... :)

2004-08-13T03:10:00.000+08:00

haha...back from the elections meeting..finally got a position in the exco..guess wat...i am the project chairman...which is the default role btw..hahaz..but i am happy in that position..sophia got Welfare Sec. thanks to me and weimin and our publicity..lolx..congrats to kx also...our new Social Sec. MJ the President,James the VP,Desiree the Hon Gen,Eileen the asst Hon Gen,Lek Meng the Finance Sec,Anita the Publication Sec.

had dinner at al ameen and i sent sophia home after that..after she reached home then i went home and reached home at ard 1145..hehe..managed to talk to the other guys abt the chalet and i am having a wonderful chatting experience with the peeps, sophia,rhino,weimin and xinyi..talking rot..sensitive issues...still talking till now..rhino kenna questioned like mad..hahaz..

tml got lecture at 10 am..but i am still awake...haha..think i am gonna miss it le..hahaz..but cannot miss ief le..hahaz...ief is damn impt sia..hahaz..

2004-08-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

hahz..fianlly sometime to be able to blog.sort of miss my blog..guess some of u ppl out there are wondering why i never bother to update..now no time lahz..how to update..hahaz...ief project so stressed up le...haha...today went for elections meeting then reach there sit down fifteen mins then beocs the student council union representaticves did not meet the minimum requirement of the pl theere...therefore the meeting is postponed to thursday...sianz...have to wait bloody 7 hours on thursday...sianz..finally ief project abt to come to an end and biz etiqutte also...haha..so friday should be able to enjoy ba...hope so...seems like alot of ppl cannot understand tha actually we are facing financial shoratge for the upcoming chalet...but i certainly think the rates we are charging are reasonable and we have tried to cut it to the minimum le...but no one seems to be able to see the point and are like quite unhappy abt it as well..but then again,..i also dun wanna make everyone unhappy at the same time as well...so if they think we are asking too much for the chalet and dun wanna come..i wun force them also..cause i also have financial difficulties nowadays..hahaz..so frens..dun quarrel over these stuffs k..the chalet was organised with the vision to let us have fun..not to quarrel over simple stuffs..if we were to quarrel..then they will be no fun in the chalet..anyway...need to go do work le...might post more later....hehe..bye bye....

2004-08-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

haha..been busy lately...IEF is super stress sia...difficult module...with adifficult project with so little weightage in the project..but alot of work to do..sianz..sorry for not updating frequently... hehe...schol work stressful sia..haha...going to rhino hse...shall update later..

2004-08-01T05:49:00.000+08:00

i am so bored...that explains why i am blogging at this kind of hour ya...life kinda suck ya.haha...been crazy for a while le..seems like ppl ard mi are having better luck in relationships than me...congrats to those who just got together and to those that have lasted till now..hope u guys stay happy..hehe..as for me..stil on the barren road that leads me to nowhere in the foreseeable future...walking ard as if i am blind and keep knocking into stuffs..but wat ever lahz...just like wat my msn nick says "although life kinda suck, but we have to be grateful that we have a life to look forward to..cause tml will be better.." hope so...hehe..
so frens who are fcing sucky lifes now..remember..look forward to tml and not stay in the frame of those gone and forgetten scenes of others...cause time and tide waits for no one ya...time still move on even though we are hurt..and we have to move on to get away from the pain...so let's look forward to better days together ya...

dunno wat's wrong with me nowadays...my mood swings are back...but it is not serious yet..it only swings between happy and sad/boredom..never start to flare at anyoneat the moment..dun think i would..i wun shout at my frens..so dun worry guys...u still can talk to me...hehe..

playing cm now..with rhino...my blackburn is going down the hill sia...sianz...now currently with only a point in epl after 4 games in the new season..haiz..

dun be sad if there is no one for u to love...love yourself...

dun be sad if there is no one for u when u are down...be there for urself...

dun be sad if there is no shoulder to lean on when u need to cry....the pillow is also a good choice..

dun be sad if everyone is gone....u r still ard...dun lose urself to the world..but let the world find u

most impt thing of all...just DUN BE SAD..life has to go on no mater what has happened..happy or sad..we have to live on...so why not live happily and not pull a long face to everyone we see to mak them feel bad as well...haiz...but EASIER SAID THAN DONE...it's true...but it is not IMPOSSIBLE....that;s why we live on for...cause we have hope for better times after a bad patch....when there is hope...there will be light and when the light is there..move towards it..cause when we reach the light...we will get what we want..hehe...so people..let;s move on ya...

dunno why tonight i got so mush to say sia..i think it is becos it is late le..then alot of thoughts goning thru my mind..thought of my ex gfs...dunno why...out of the blue..start to feel the pain of losing them again..i think i am really afraid of finding a gf but losing them at the same time..haiz..was talking abt my ex gf with rhino and gang last night and images of those times came flashing back..haiz..save me people..i guess i am still picking myself up from there...for 2 years le..i have not moved on i guess..i thought i did..but when i see ppl ard me having problems with relationship or happiness with their partners...the tot of her comes back..haiz..

but i know i dun like her anymore...but the pain still remains there...are there painkillers for these type of pains??maybe a new gf might help..lolx..

i am not desperate for a gerl but maybe i just need someone whom i know we have feelings for each other...and that someone has to be a gerl of course..i ahve good brothers now..so maybe to balance the equation abit...a member of the opposite gender might help..it is 635 am now..and i am still typing my blog..first time spent so much time on a blog entry..lolz..so dun complain that i never write long blogs..this one is long enough to let u guys see..lolx..but maybe 80% are nonsense to u guys..i just felt that i need an outlet of my agony inside me...how i hope when i am sad i have someone dear to me to talk to me...and the dearest thing that will listen and not complain or tell me abt their personal stuffs now is my blog...sometimes i just love my blog..although i ignore it...but i still love it..maybe it was treated for granted..but nvm lahz..cause the blog cannot speak..so i think it will forgive me and be there for me always...am i right?? Blog: "Yes :)" u see...even my blog agrees...haha..at least my blog loves me..

rhino is complaining to me that i am taking abit too long complete my entry..hehe...but then again..i haven write for a long time le..and ya..I WANNA THANK ALL THOSE FRENS WHO HAVE GATHEREED THERIR FRENS TO VOTE FOR ME DURING THE EXCO ELECTIONS...I AMDE IT TO THE EXCO..THANKS U PPL...AND UR FRENS ALSO..FOR THE SUPPORT..THANK U...(feels like a politician now)but ehn again..i am trying to abstain from all the politics..i am bringing my belief into the SU i gues..which is Slack and dun get involved..hehe...ok lahz..i got to go le...black burn vs middlesborough....gotta win to survive..hehe..ciaoz...

2004-07-27T23:09:00.000+08:00

harlow harlow...to people who has been wanting to see my next post...finally i am here with my next post..lolx...good things are meant to be longed for ya...that is wat everyone used to say to me ya..and i still hear it nowadays..

anyway..this week has been a nice wee..cause i tueday no need go sch..which is today...lolx..but spent the whole day at home doing nothing..but going online...lolx..which i am still on now...but then again..nth much to do online ya...played cm with rhino for a while..but he felt tired after taking his medicine so he go sleep le..hehe..then i come an upadte my cobweb filled blog..lolx...suppose to go to sch today to do my ief project..but in the end cancel becos i din want to go to sch..nan de off day lehz..hehe..then still must go so far back to sch..if i stayin like in bukit timah.. i dun mind at all..but too bad..i stay in this place call yishun..lolx..sorry guys..went grocery shopping with my mother today..bought ice cream ya..ahha..later go and eat..but for now..update my blog first..lolx...shall do a time machine here...brig u guys back to wat happen yester day..which is monday...

MONDAY
couldn't wake up for aaa lecture and missed it..took 852 to sch and missed the sch bus stop and alighted at hillview..then late for class then never go up to class...think going to tio warning letter le..haiz...went to meet sophia,zy and alf for lunch at canteen 2..and had some crappy discussion there again...telling everyone abt the fountain dedications stuffs...aftr that all of them went back to class and i slacked ard for an hour b4 i went for ief class..hahaz...nan de i am the first to sttend the class sia..i reach there then all late..lolx..after class...i called sophia for a drinks break and she met me and then we went to sports gallery and sat down ther watching ppl play soccer..haha...was laughing at the standard of soccer played non stp..although i not that good but i still had a great laugh...talked to sophia for a while..can see that she is still bothered by stuffs ard her..take care kz..dun think so much le..after that..i sent her back to alpha centre then after 2 mins she called mi to say she finish class can go home le..then i met her again to go to BTP to meet azli and gang..played pool for a while..started crapping again..thi stime talking abt flings and gfs..and everyone counting their flings and gfs..lolx..then talked abt hw long is ur sperm and how long u take to *er hemm*...was laughing all the way sia...

after that...went to KFC to makan and talked more crap..after a while it was time to leave and we went our seperate ways..then i reach home...talked to my borthers and sisters again...and after that went to sleep..haha...cause rhino was sick last night so never play game..lolx..

anyway..so excited abt thursday...the voting is on thursday...i need all the votes from u guys in BA ya...so whoever is reading this..pls spread the msg..thanks...BLOCK 72 LEVEL 2 EXAM HALL ON THURSDAY....BEFORE 4 PM ON THURSDAY K...THANKS FOR ALLL UR SUPPORT..LOVE YA GUYS...

2004-07-24T00:07:00.001+08:00

haha...been asked to update my blog once too mnay times by my fren...who is none other than sophia..haha..

so today has been a great day..enjoyed myself at ief lecture again...all the jokes evolved ard yongtat today...for being the star of the lecture..hehe..after lecture had my AAA tutorial and surprisingly it ended real ealy..so went to su to submit my form to run for exco..after that..went down town with the peeps from su but i went to meet 4 joy ppl first...after sitting down and joining them for dinner at breeks taka...i proceeded to meet up with the rest of them and slacked with them..and finally i left for home ard 1035 and reahced home at ard 1130..hahaz..bathed and after that i got to talk to sophia and she asked mi to update my blog..hehe..u see i so ting hua..lolx..

anyway.had alot of fun today..tml my grandma bdae..no choice i have to go down to my grandma;s hse..hehe..but still alright lahz...i voluteered to go down..i wasn;t forced..so pppl dun get the wrong idea abt me ya...
:P

2004-07-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

2004-07-19T22:44:00.000+08:00

yoyo..been a wonderful monday..except for having to pay for the AAA notes for last week and not getting the notes for this week..but i was at fault...who to blame...hehe...ief tutorial today was good..hehe..at least i could understand wat the tutor was saying..hehe..the past weekend has really as i sadi not eally well for ppl ard mi sia...alot of break-ups happened this week...dunno how to console my frens as well..but anyway..u guys take care kz..hehe..haiz...seeing all my frens so upset and bothered abt relationships...i also start to become afraid of committing myself to relationships again..dunno why..but i was just reminded of wat happened to me in the past...i am afraid to commit..but i wanna commit myslef...actually i also dunno wat i talking abt lahz..haiz..i always get confused abt my own feelings...grrr....tml is tuesday..hahaz...8 am lecture..if cannot wake up then i not going le...but have tutorial in the afternoon...so still have to go to school...hahaz...went for the hopnite meeting just now..nearly fell asleep inside the room..but the room was too cold to sleep in..hehe..btu generally it was alright..i am getting a new shirt for hopnite..with the words SECURITY printed at the back..hahaz...anyway..i also dunno lahz..not confirmed yet...got to go get the form for running for SU tml at the SDAR..hehe...already 10 ppl took the form le...and today is only the first day...dunno how many more forms will be taken up tml...hehe...hope i'll get one... :P anyway,,,my frens out there..take care ya...see ya ard soon...

2004-07-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

wat a tiring day..haha...slept practically the whole day away sia...slept at 4 last nite till 3 in the afternoon today....lolx..went out for lunch and then reach home and sleep till ard 6..hehe...turning into a pig real soon...haiz...been an unlucky weekend for my frens...y fren fell down while playing soccer on friday and hur his back...and on saturday..something really shocking and out of the blue happen...hope that my fren will not be so upset abt it le...cheer up kz..not that i won't be there for u...but it was just that i got to know abt it at the wrong time..so sorry...but u can always talk to mi whenever u want it ya...haiz...tml school start again le..another week closer to the common tests..haiz..but i must work hard towards it..hehe..ok lahz..nth much to write now..shall update again...

2004-07-14T22:24:00.000+08:00

haha.....finally i remember to blog le...finally i am back to blogging days...sch has stated for three weeks...lots of up and downs...like i was kinda outcasted by my class to join three strangers for projects..but then again..i dun mind anymore...it is ok..i am suppose to be more sociable ya...according to them...and i have been pondering abt running for su and if i were to run...where should i run from sia??/sports side or ba side??alot of stuffs to think abt sia...cause ba side competition very tough...not sure of a place...sports side looks a better ide..but i not close to rugby ppl.s..scared later i kenna pull down..hahaz...but dunno lahz...sianz sia..then if i run from sports side...i have to stay in rugby sia...hahaz...actually i dunno lahz...been a month since i last blogged...too many stuffs to say cause too many stuffs happened...dunno wat to talk abt...where is the one for mi sia??hahaz..i am still waiting...lolx..ok lahz...got to go..will blog tml again...

2004-06-21T14:28:00.000+08:00

Day 3
hahaz..finally reached day 3...campfire nite...but first we had breakfast at canteen 4 and we proceeded on to pia zui...the most cocked up game for the eries..cause my freshies got into alot fo trouble and in the end the gls also kenna bombed...hahaz..but it is all over le...hopefully everyone is ok now...after pia zui was lunch...and lunch was burgers..hahaz...cause the freshies going to the pool later..so a light lunch was served...at the pool..i was in charge of crowd control...and i got pushed into the pool...the first one somemore..sianz..hahaz..got myself wet all over..but it was fun...seeing my freshies enjoy themselves at the pool..haha...after pool gmaes..dinner time....was excited bt dinner...cause after dinner is the long anticipatedd campfire...my erie really made me feel so proud as a erie gl on the campfire...i love u ppl...we continues cheering like we had never been b4...with that kind of spirit..no one could stop us...haha..Hop nite was the surprise package after the ampfire..and the freshies seems to have enjoyed that really much..eveyrone danced like mad..although there was a short break in the middle...but i guess everyone enjoyed themselves...after that.i spent the nite with my freshies at the track..playing truth or dare...but it was still average difficulty..haha..imagine playing wth the gls...it will all be dares and nth else...hahaz..

Day 4
the last day of camp...woke up really late cause wakey dokey was at 9 am..hahaz..then after we had breakfast we had photo-taking sessions...hehe..during the photo taking..the gls went to perform for the freshies and we start to have alot of fun comparing our cheers..but some grp were abit too quiet..hehe..but generally we still had fun..hehe...after we had lunch..we had mass dance...but i didn't join in cause i brought jenson to collect laptop..hahaz..kinda missed it..case it was the last time i could do that mass dance...after mass dance was prixe presentation..and guess at...erie got a double as the most bonded grp both in trial and actual camp..so proud of my freshies..they really showed the bonding in the last two days..although a slow start but a great achievement...good one ya..hehe...after prize presentation we gave out our souvenier to the freshies..the cds that we drawed..hehe..i think they liked it..haha...i think so...and i certainly hope so...so at ard 6 pm...the freshies all went home le...kinda missed them...we packed up the sports hall and proceeded to move all the stuffs to the su...while at the su waiting for the others to come back..somthine unfortunate happened...it was so scary but lckily he got out of it unscathed...we were all worried and we only had dinner at 230 am that nite..cause we were busy waiting for the stuffs to finish..after the 230 dinner..we talked cock sing song a while b4 i fell asleep and i got drawings on my leg again,..hahaz..

Day 5
after i woke u with drawings on my legs...i started to go draw other ppl as well..hahaz..nd in the end i got taped by masking tape on my legz and they did "hair removal" for me sia..hahaz...actually all the guys kenna lahz..and we had so much fun till ard 3 pm when we finally decided to move to KAP for lunch...after lunch we went BTP to play pool for a while and we went home after that...after i reached home..put down my stuffs and sent it to washing...i went out again..meeting kim and guys to go out..and we went to brewerz...haha..it was kinda fun..but maybe i was too tired..after a couple of mugs i began to black hawk down le..hahaz..after that..we walked to raffles place and we sat down..then we decided to go home...and i took a nite rider home..haha..i reached home at 4 am sia...lolx...

that;s all wat happened during my FOC 04/05..hopefully next year i can take part again...till then..take care and i miss u guys from erie for making it a memorable camp for me...thank you...

2004-06-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

wah...been a week since i last posted sia..haha..foc was really fun...made alot of new frens in the gls,shamans and the caddos and not forgetting some freshies..hehe..

Day 0
booked into camp on day 0 at 1 pm..nearly screwed the guard at the school gate..asked me so much stuffs...then in the end i just showed him my student card and i drove str8 into the sch...hack care..booked in then went to buy a pouch, at jurong point..hahaz..spent 30 dollars on it and proceeded back to sch...reached sch at ard 5 plus..after a while of shirt painting..we went for dinner at al azhar..haha..the food and service is better there..after that..proceeded back to sch to rest and have fun and lights off were at 12 30 but in the end i din sleep till it was 630 in the morning...

Day 1
woke p at 7...brushed teeth and proceeded t start to welcome freshies to the camp..was stationed at lt 26..and saw quite a few freshies in the early hours..hehe..by the time all the frshies arrived and registartion closed..it was already 1030..hehe..got the freshies distributed into my grp and we went off for ice breakers...ice breakers was fun and we had alot of fun basically..hehe..after ice breakers we had lunch...and after lunch..we had more ice breakers..hehe..but due to not enough sleep..i was abit lethargic..the day proceeded fine till dinner and happy hour came..hahaz...happy hour was really fun..was partnered with kim and stationed at blk 50 lift lobby to guide the freshies..hehe..but ended up scaring some of them...after a while..rhino came..and dragged me to the fifth floor to scare ppl..make me left kim alone on floor one..felt so bad..she was scared but i threw her there with connie..who knows connie freaked out after some while and kim was left alone..haiz..felt so bad...after happy hour...had a debrief and went to bath..when i bathed finish..a freshie actually came up to us and says that he wants to go home..and u know wat time is that??3 am...made me kenna given a cold look by phylicia..so paisei..haiz..finally got to sleep at 330 am..and it was really good sleep sia..till 7 in the next morning...

Day 2
woke up and went to the toilet..my jaws dropped when i reached the toilet...the freshies are inside..and there were more freshiees than gls and camp crews..amazing sia..hahaz..went for flag day after breakfast..had some fun with my freshies and had a good lunch..the best meal of the camp..cause it was eaten outside...hehe..after lunch..it was back to sch for silent of the lambs..hehe..the station games..but b4 that..my grp made mi limit break for the first time..i shouted at them in front of everybody cause they were not paying any attention to all the gls of my grp..make us lose out voice for nth..but then again..i think they did really well for the station games..hehe..after station games..we had dinner and after dinner..it was time to slack and do some campfire stuffs...the skits and the songs..had supper and went for an early nite...

anyway...i am tired now...update u guys on day 3 onwards tml..hehe..tired.need some sleep..hehe..

2004-06-13T11:10:00.000+08:00

yozz...camp's coming..haha..gonna book in soon...so guys...will not be updating for the days to come...see ya on friday nite..the earliest...hahahaz...take care and see ya ppl...

2004-06-10T15:02:00.000+08:00

yawnz...just woke up..hahaz..reached home at 7 in the morning..then slept till now..hahaz..last nite went out with the guys again..went to marina bay to have steamboat dinner...lolx..then had quite alot of fun..after that went to play arcade..hahaz..waste my money play virtual striker with yong tat..he super tyco...keep scoring those tyco goals..hahaz..after that..we decided o leave marina bay..called jovin to long pang us to town..but he already on the expressway..but then again..he turned back and picked us up..hahaz..thanks ya..after that we alighted at singapore shopping centre and walked to meridien and we decided to play pool..till mambo closes at 2 am..after that andy and me went to rhino house..hahaz,,we played winning eleven there and we played cooperative 4 players..haha..me and rhino is the best partners ever..hahaz..trashed adam and andy's brazil 6-2 sia..hahaz..and we won all 4 four games against them..haha...longest winning streak..4 games in a row..then after that..andy went black hawk down..we played smack down...then keep losing..hahaz...after that played romance of three kingdoms 9 with them...then it totally knocked all of us down..then we decided to go home b4 we go to sleep..hahaz..so i reached home at 7..hahaz...okie..nth else to write le..bye..

2004-06-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

wah...for the first time in som nay nites..i am finallly at home at this hour sia..hahaz..actually got tournament at rhino hse..but in the end..to prevent my mother from getting her limit break...i decided to not go..and stay at home..lolx..went out with the peeps from convention to queensway today..haha..but i din go for convention..too bored..and the yisun kia all pang seh mi..so i never go as well..lolx..make mi wake up so early...then all say dun want to go..went to queensway..then go visit my ah ma at the hawker center...long time never see her le..missed her sia..then i go and say hello then i left le..cause the guys want to go to town..so i meet the guys at the bus stop and on my way there..i saw congwei and kengyu...they still look the same..hahaz...long time never see them le..so after that..we went to town...reached lucky plaza to have dinner..at rabbit brand...haha...ate set b..it was nice..haha..after that..suppose to watch harry potter but no more tickets le..we wanted to go to great world to watch..but somehow tricia din want to go so far to watch..so we gave up the idea...instead we spent time relac one corner at the train station and shared some really funny and sensitive stuffs...lolx..but it looks awkward to stay there..so i suggessted indochine...the place is really cool...nice ambience...they say it;s nice for couples..but too bad got no partner now..then started to imagine some stuffs...but all crap lahz.
tried to tie a knot with the cherry stem..but i can only manage to make it into a bow shape and cannot turn the end into the bow..hahaz..needs more practise...after indochine..i was time to go home...took the train to marina bay home..cause the trains were too filled up at orchard..we had so much fun on our way back..and the guys shared our problems..haha...actually only my problems..hahaz..i problematic mahz..hahaz..then now slacking..so i am here writing this blog..haha..okie..gtg..tired..bye,..

2004-06-06T18:26:00.000+08:00

whoa...finally i got time to update my blog sia..hahaz...wat a busy week...trial camp was fun sia..with all the fun and laughther and my problem being solved..it was like i let a big stone off my heart..hahaz..finally i got no more pressure and i think i finally no need to answer to anyone for watever i do..

First day of trial camp
the first day...candace asked me to meet her earlier cause she din want to go there and wait alone..and she offered me breakfast with her..so i obliged..but i kinda overslept on the morning..and took a cab to sch in the end...on the cab i had a tummy-ache and i was like praying hard that the cab will go faster..hahaz..the moment i reach sch i fly to the toilet sia...after i came out of the toilet shortly...candace came with breakfast for me le..haha...feels so good to have someone to buy me breakfast...after breakfast...camp commenced..went to our individuals grp..and settled down into the sports hall...and the first activity of the day is actually lunch..haha..after lunch we played scavenger hunt...then i left my bloody sigg bottle at the gallery and no one took care of it..then it went lost..haiz..then we had mass dance..this year is better than last year..this year hip hop sia..hahaz...nice..i love the moves..after that was dinner followed by nite walk...nite walk was super fun sia..i love the blk 34 route..it is super nice sia...hahaz..after nite walk...we had supper and debrief then followed by sleep..

Second day of trial camp
woke up at 7 then they say can wake up at 8...wah laoz..hahaz..but in the end i brushed my teeth and tried to waste my time away..haha..finally breakfast was served and the bread suck big time sia..haha...very salty and hard...after breakfast...we had some weather games again..followed by the station games after lunch...and btw..the whole of the second day we had vegeterian food sia...but it still tasted alright..butter hill was fun..haha..long time never get dirty le..but it was quite smelly at first..hahaz..somemore our first station...after the stations games..we had campfire songs sessions and some organising to do...was so tired that my brain could not work..hahaz..then went to sleep after debrief as usual..

Third day of trial camp
the third day..the best day sia...hahaz...had water games..it was really fun sia...we pia zui in sch hoh...haha..after that..we went finding nemo...also in the sch...u see np is a place of so much fun...was so damn shag after the games..cause my grp with pima only got 5 ppl who can swim..and it tire us out damn quick sia...after the water games were dinner then campfire...campfire was abit low morale..becos of the fatigue that we were feeling...but the DHs managed to pull our spirits together soon after the event at the sports gallery...after bathing..there were no lights out..so we stayed up the whole nite...we played alot of those lame games and puzzles..got all the girls blur and confused..hahaz..but later we taught them all the games...we agreed not to sleep a=but at ard 6 am i buay ta han liaoz..then i knocked out..i woke up 30 mins later and i found myself being vandalised all over my arms and legs...but alfred was even worse...every bit of his body skin that was exposed were vandalised..hahaz...it surely was damn fun sia...and i end up having pink nails...thanks to wendy...lolx..

Last day of trial camp
the last day was practically a slow day..hahaz..we did mass dance after breakfast and some area cleaning..then we had this techno version of the mass dnace....my jaw nearly dropped when i saw miko danced sia...he really power...shi fu sia..hahaz..after mass dance we were asked to gather for prze giving...erie were the most bonded grp..hahaz..i guess so also...lolx..but if tricia could participate abit more into the gro it will be perfect.,hahaz..she abit too quiet..but cannot blame her..cause she just got to know us...hope to get to know her more better..hehe..after the prize presentation...we were dismissed and we went to play pool at mambo and after that went to chong pang for dinner and then went to rhino hse again..suppose to play game...but in the end all of us got knocked out...hahaz...then i woke up and go home at 1 am and slept till 3pm on saturday...

Saturday
woke up at 3 pm...alfred callled mi to go chinablack..then i say ok...after that...jol msg me...asking i going anot...then i said yes..then she say she got no ic..then i say too bad..then she replied "sia lahz..how can like that"...but i was thinking that wat else can i say siaa...i cannot possibly lend her my ic rite..haiz...we met at orchard mrt but everyone was late except me and miko...sat there like idoits waiting for everyone to come...shortly after..everyone came along..hahaz...had dinner at wisma mac and the proceeded to BQ..long time never go ther le sia..haha..wanted to take a train but the go downstairs then the train spoil and stuck at newton...wtf sia..hahaz..so we went to take bus to BQ instead...met kim there and went to hendrix bar..had alot of fun yesterday sia...haha...then i left early last nite...suppose to go down to jason;s chalet..then went there at 3am left at 5am..i dragged adam there with me...hehe...then we walked from downtown east to tamp interchange to take bus..969 was like flying..haha..reached home super fast sia..haha..then fell asleep straight away...hehe...ok..shall sign off now...blog later..

2004-05-28T14:36:00.000+08:00

wat a nice day...hopefully it will turn out nice...just had a heavy lunch..haha..feeling sleepy again...yawning away...no programs for the day again...shall stay at home and slack..hahaz..dunno if anyone will ask me out today..but anyway..i also dunno where to go as well..hahaz...tml need to go back to school le..hahaz..can see my grp mate..hahaz...happy sia..

2004-05-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

just woke up and brushed my teeth..slept really late last nite..for the fourth nite in a row...i am at rhino hse once again..haha..last nite i became the underdogs by qualifying for the final game..hahaz..rhino and adam was so shocked..lolx..but in the end i lost to france by a stupid goal..but i guess they were impressed..hahaz..then reach home at 330..watched soccer and checked results..haiz...i never fail..but i got straight Cs..only my IS get B siaz...pengz...i am a 5C man sia..hahaz...anyone wants me?? hahaz...

suppose to go get my computer from my sunty...bt she not at home..hee..so another day lohz..finally got a day off...actually need to go back to sch..but i din go today..tired sai..for the baoc thingy...too lazy..hahaz..sleep more impt..

2004-05-26T21:38:00.000+08:00

wat a tiring day..hahaz..spent last nite at rhino's place playing ps2 and crapping again..felt so sad to see you sad sia brother...we tot u were confindent so we did wat we did...we are also upset abt wat has happened..i know that it is difficutl to take..but stay positive...she hasn't give u a conclusion yet..she isn't avoiding u..dun worry le kz...it makes us upset to see u so moody ya...take care of ur body first..u have been unwell for a while le...take care ya...

today suppose to go for falg painitng at 10..but in the ned i overslept and only mananged to wake up at 1030...haha...reached sch at 1230..the bus today damn slow sia..waste my time..make mi sleepy somemore..haha..after i reach sch then met up witht he rest of my team mates..hahaz..saw them started with the painting le..the whole sketching was done by tricia ya..she draws super well sia..haha..she sketched out everything as to wat we had printed sia..then we started to paint..but i wasn;t helping alot cause i am not inclined in arts..hahaz..then i volunteered to get food for the rest..casue i was like quite free..think i am going bonkers abt being another food ic again..but this year is ruizhen's turn...haha..non of my biz..supposed to meet sophia for lunch..but then when she called mi my phone was in my bag..then when she reached su she din want to talk to me..cause i din pick up her call..when it was actually me who asked her to call me..hahaz..sorry ah.. :P after lunch..went back to continue with the painting and i did some painting jobs..those easy one...hehe..tricia is really a good artist ya..she did the paws of our flag and they look great ya..hahaz..and not forgetting hidzir..he also has the potential of a nice artist..hahaz..shortly after the painting...sophia is suppose to return to class..so i walked her back to canteen 2 and went back to resume painting our flag..hehe...the flag looks good ya..haha...i love our flag..the eyes by ruizhen,paws by tricia,wording by hidzir,cauldron by nelle...and not forgetting the touch up work from mi...although abit only but i did work ya..hahaz...and the most impt man..THE MAN Rhino..hahaz..he had been a great help..cool ya..hahaz..

after we finish with our flag..i waited for ruizhen while he is waiting for wayne...then in the end dragged till ard 620 then we left the sch..then went str8 home...too tired and not in any mood to go out le..no money also..haha...reached home..had fried rice for dinner...and papaya for dessert...then now blogging..hahaz..yawnz.think gotta sleep early..later i wnat to watch soccer..porto vs monaco...hope monaco win...cause i dun like porto..they knocked my beloved man u out of champs league..haha..ok lahz..enuff of blogging..tired of typing le...ciaoz..

2004-05-25T21:41:00.000+08:00

back..hahaz...after so many days of non posting..spent yesterday watching troy...the second time..it was kinda bored..but i was like disturbing everyone..hahaz..after that went to rhino hse with adam after we sent evan and jolene home...stayed at rhino hse the whole nite till this mornng..fell asleep at his hse...then went home this morning b4 going for the erie meeting..haha..the cat ppl..llolx..had alot of fun...mum called mi in the day to ask mi when i was going home...like i left home for good like that..hahaz..came up with our flag at rhino hse just now..it looks quite nice..haha...tml going back to sch to draw flag...hahaz..another long day...meeting at 10 am...dunno can wake up anot..haiz...the whole week burned..till the end of trial camp le..but then again..i choose wat to do..so i have to love it..i like being with the su ppl..so it is ok..haha...my grp alot of ppl i know one...so it is ok..haha..

2004-05-23T21:59:00.000+08:00

haiz...haven been posting for quite some time..didn't have the mood and the energy i gues..hahaz..friday was a dull day where i sleep the whole day at home...hahaz..thne sat i went back to sch for tbd again...it was really fun..we played red indian..it is really a very nice game ya..haha...it was so interesting..and not forgetting the water volleyball..it was fun too...and not to mention the game where we had to carry the whole team over the poles..it was quite fun..it was sort of marred by the injury to this guy who got a cut by his eye..poor thing ya..hehe..hope he is ok.. :P but then again..some of the pl there start to give really dumb ideas abt how things should be done..haha..like step on the chair and jump over..they tot they could fly ya..haha...ah tat and mi were like laughing away at the back... :P after the tbd..i went for the rugby game..i tot it would be a contact game..was so excited abt it..then in the end it was touch..but it was still fun...but i think i lost some spped le..ppl seems to be able to catch mi le..hahaz...if not i would have got two tries that day..instead on one..lolx..after the game..we went for the dinner provided and only four of us representing rugby there..haha...but we took food like it was for 20 ppl..in the end we struggled to finish the food and it was a wastage..hahaz..but who cares...lolx..at least we finished the satays..hahaz..4 of us finished at 60 to 70 satays...

i went home and went to weijin hse to watch soccer...after soccer played some mahjong..haha..won 43 dollars sia...super happy..hahaz..long time never play mahjong but still win money..so happy..lolx..after that went for supper at the coffeeshop outside my hse and we went to east coast..hahaz..we reached east coast at 5 and we left there at 530 for home..lame rite..but we got nth to do ya..hahaz...reached home at 6 and slept like a log till noon and woke up...parents wern't at home le...then slacked till ard 5 plus when mum called mi out for dinner..haha..today laureen msged mi sia..long time never see her le..so happy to receive a msg from a fren whom seldom keep in contact..hehe..then went for dinner at orchid country club...it was quite nice..and after that i sent grandma home..hahaz...it is so nice to drive..but not with dad ard..sometimes i just hopes that he wasn;t ard..stressful sia..hahaz..but wat to do..but i think he will trust mi with the car soon...hehe..keeping my fingers crossed..hehe..

after i sent grandma home we headed for home...and today my parking super nice sia
one time and it went in straight and nice..cause i need the toilet i guess..want to do it once and for all..hahaz...after locking the car..i ran all the way home to use the toilet..hahaz...then reached home feel like so sian..that's why i came to blog again..haha..i think i am crazy..i am still thinking of her..haiz...i really dunno wat to do..haiz...

2004-05-21T04:35:00.000+08:00

haiz..been quite a good nite from wat i expected it to be..it was bettr than wat i have tot it out to be..

think i hurt one of my closest fren with all the posting i had done for the past few days...i hope we can forget abt it ya...for wat i have written yesterday nite on my blog..i seriously want to apologise for watever stuffs i said...it was just out of spite...i also dun want to lose a fren like u..

i told u abt her didn't i??didn't i told u that i felt bad for misleadin her...i admit to ya at that moment that i realyyy felt something for her..becos wat i felt from u wasn;tthere anymore and u told mi u cannot accept me becos u wanted a break for now...i went out with her to get a gift for aaron..at that time..u were in sch studying and u dun even know aaron as well...surely i must get someone who knows him and knows wat fits him..as for the first time i met her...it was together with aaron somemore..she wanted to join us..not i invited her along..haiz..when i know that someone else liked u...and that guy is my fren...i admit i did not put in effort..but i had to balance my frenship and you..u dun wanna see the frenship being broken up..so i tried my best to make the frenship work first..u said u would wait till the camp is over...u said u had not time..u said u would make time for me to make it up as to wat i have lost...do u think i was self centered here??u tell mi the both of us..who isn't under alot of stress becos of this incident....i am trying hard to have an ending that everyone can accept...

i really suffered alot but not only becos of u...dun get the wrong idea..i have always cherished every moment with u...i want to see u smile everytime i see u...u didnt ruined anything or any bit of our frenship..just wanna tell u that although we cannot be together but i hope that we'll still be the best of frens..i dun blame him..i still remember u said that u dun want to see the both of us turn into enemies..i can tell u that i have not...i do not blame him..did not even blame u...cause i am the one at fault this time round...`i am really sorry...

2004-05-19T21:09:00.000+08:00

today is surely a long day....woke up darn early in the morning..dad's car finally reach today...silver colour toyota vios..sure it was cool...went to turf city to collect the car and we rushed back..the car is abit not that spacey but still very comfortable..too bad..someone wun get to take a ride on the car le..but i also dunno abt that..shall see abt it..if not history will just repeats itself..dun wanna always be the toothless tiger who can let ppl feel the threat but in fact i cannot do anything...

then dad lend mi his car for a spin home..was going on very smoothly until we reached home..accidently strike the kerb while trying to swerve my way out from hitting that stupid maroon car...stop so outside...give mi no place to turn...wat a bitch..then dad gave mi a stare but he never say anything as well..so i guess it is ok...the short term target is to get the extra key from him and i can drive the car out...hte car is still in its run in period now..cannot drive too fast..so i was like driving to the speed limit to the road like 60 at most...abit bored ya..but i still enjoy the joy of driving a new car..ope to get more chances of driving soon..to improve on my skills..if not will be rusty de..

then i went for a nap in the afternoon...the phone was ringing all the way with smses coming in...but never reply at all..cause was too tired and lazy...after i woke up i watched the channel u 7 pm show and after that i received a sms that i had expected to see but i didn;t want to receive...but wat to do..i know that it will always be the same old outcome..it just isn;t meant to be...i hate life...hate myself...hate everyone who is just so stupid and fake...in other words..i just hate it when i am feeling down..;but life has to go on ya...life's a bitch...so fuck her..but watever lahz...promised ppl not to be so vulgar le..have to be abit more civilised...

gtg..nothing more to say and nothing more to do...i just shut myself up and keep myself out of other ppl's stuffs...it just does not concern mi anymore... _|_

2004-05-18T21:36:00.000+08:00

hey hey..i'm back again...

finally had dinner..*burpz* hahaz...tml dad's car coming le..hahahaz...happy sia...but dunno i will get to drive anot is another matter...hahaz..i guess i am dreaming now..called sophia just now and she ws on her way home from town..didn't know that she was on m1 line..so i talked to her like no need money...then she tell mi only after 7 she will get free incoming i was like feeling so bad..to make her talk to mi on her hp...but that was really sweet of her..*grinz*

my mother keep telling mi stuffs abt how to handle life and other things..i was like sort of regretted telling her abt my stuffs in the first place..but who else to trust except my own mother..she surely wun hurt mi like other ppl out there...haiz...

BOred...another hot and stuffy nite...mum got mi some oranges to quench my thrist..hahaz..the oranges was really sweet..hehe...love them..i love oranges..and of course i love other stuffs or people..lolx..hehe...

dunno wat to write le..so i guess i will stop here for tonite...

2004-05-18T16:27:00.000+08:00

finally i got a haircut...it looks alright to mi..but my mother complained that i like got cut like never cut like that...hahaz..so angry...she say i wwaste her money again...the side was like so obvious that it has been reduced in length..

haiz..not a very good day also..suppose to wake up for rugby training today but end up i dun eve knew the alarm clock went off and slept till 920 when the training starts at 930...pang called mi in the morning to see if i going training anot..but in fact i fly his kite..so sorry pang..hehe..see ya on thursday...after i woke up at 1230...went to far east to get a haircut alone...actually wanted to ask sophia out after her micromouse event but someone got to the queue earlier than mi and even went to pasir ris to meet her...so i left for home alone and disappointted again..so that is why i am here writing my blog... =|

wat a oring day..time really seems to slow down alot when i am at home and got nth to do...even if i sleep..it's like i feel i slept the whole afternon but i wake up only after an hour becos of the god damn weather..so warm nowadays...hehe...my moter said it rained this morning...i was like..huh..did it rain??cause the floor is still so dry...guess the water evaporates really fast...hahaz..

thank u mom for being there for mi..giving mi advices on what to do when i am facing a very rough patch of life..although u dun really know wat is happening...cause it is kind of complicated to tell u..but thanks for bring there ya..i seriously dunno wat i am gonna do if i dun get wat i want this time ard..i admit that i am selfish..but who isn't selfish in relationships...would anypne br so kind as to push his gf or someone he likes to mi??lolx...i will not even give up my love for a friend now...so whoever does it is sa foll himself..to give up his happiness..only thinking that as long as the ger is happy can le...so silly...that was mi in the past...but this time it is different...i am not gonna take a step back anymore... =)

sometimes i really wonder if frens are really ppl there to help u or there just to be there...i always meet the wrong ppl...haiz...dun wanna talk abt frens anymore...for now..frenship is in a mess...dun even know if there is anyone out there i can talk to without any guard against him or her....too tired to think of such stuffs...haiz..going bonkers now...and yes..i am jealous of alot of things that does not happen to mi...i always wonder why things never go my way...i dunno why..but if u say god is playing a trick on u...i think god is playing an even bigger trick on mi...haiz...

2004-05-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

yoz...been a long and sleepy day...hahaz...slpt almost the whole day...except for the late morning when i went out with mummy to the polyclinic to buy stuffs for dad..hehe...after i reach home in the after noon i slept till 7 pm again...becoming a pig le..

tml got training...hahaz...ben msged mi..cannot dun go..that means he remembers..o o choice..but tml sophia not in sch..no one to lunch with mi..hehe..but her event ends at 2...dunno whether she will be back in sch tml..hahaz..if not meeting her..maybe i might go town meet mother...to have lunch lohz...hehe..

so bored...think i gonna stop writing here...nth to do le...

2004-05-16T21:50:00.000+08:00

mi back le...yawning away now..guessed i sleep too much today...from 3 last nite slept till 230 pm today...aftr i woke up..i realise my parents are going out for lunch..so i quickly packed my bed and changed to join them for lunch..hehe..took a cab down to sembawang with my paretns..hehe..nearly knocked down by the cab this afternoon...haiz..i was standing near the kerbside flagging the cab..when a cab approached mi..then it signalled the hazard lights on and start to pull over...just as it comes near mi..the cab mount the kerb!!!!i was like a few inches away only..wat a close shave..if not i would have lost my leg..and my all important right leg somemore...haiz...then we board the cab and went to sembawang..had lunch somewhere near jeanette's house and we walked down to sun plaza for a post-lunch stroll..haha..my mother asked mi to look at the phones an i tols her i want the samsung e700 and she said ok at first...and she added that i have to pay for it..siao..how much money i have sia..how to buy...lolx...she like say for fun nia...and then she said the panasonic x66 very nice and afforadable...268 only i guess..but see how first lahz..by 30th may must buy the phone..hehe..if not the m1 voucher cannot use le..while shopping i got a msg from sophia saying she in town with aaron..and that she is catching troy with him also..so i exchanged some smses with her...and at the same time..my parents wanted to switch place and go to sembawang shopping centre..so i led them to the free shuttle bus stop to take the bus to sembawang shopping centre...but i did not join them afterwards because i wasn't in the best of moods and not feeling well also...so i left for home..when i reached home..i tried to log on to the internet but i could not at the first few attempts and i started to get angry with the laptop...then i realised that the cable modem outside was sort of moved..so i guess it was my father who touched it again...and the cable was loose...so i tightened the cable and i tried again and i got it working at last..hahaz...after 45 mins of hard work...but then again..i broke my two pin plug today for my laptop...pulled in too hard in a moment of frustration and the top pin got stuck in the hole of the electricity outlet...haha..thne cannot take out le..sad..so from today onwards..that will be my permanent laptop plug..hahaz..cause cannot put in three pin plugs appliances anymore...called sophia after i got home and realise that it was like 10 mins b4 show time...so i talked to her for a while b4 she went to her show..hope she enjoyed it..cause the show is really nice....after talking to her..i played some games and soon afterwards..my parents are back with dinner..they brought mi rice with meat,beansprouts and vegetables...it was really nice..haha..and i shared an ice kachang with my mum...and i watch jue shi hao bra on tv..b4 i came in to write this blog..hehe...and now i amm writing this blog and thinking wat i should do after i finished writing this..haiz..ok..signing off..hope that i get a call later..see ya...