::haven been blogging for the past few days...so here i am back now...shall try to start from where i let off from the last post...

again...i din go school on friday..and spent the whole day resting again...but i went back to school for a movie marathon...but i only reached at 12 midnight..hahaz...watched school of rock followed by the incredibles...then i forgo the last movie and went back to the union and sleep...

woke up on saturday morning and together with a fever...was feeling real bad..but i still made my way to sengkang to play mahjong with my granddad...was really tired out by the end of the first round and i went to sleep...after i woke up...they still playing sia...then got dragged in again...cause my cousin has to leave early...so i was there playing till my dad says it's time to go..and finally i am freed from the table...did nth much on sat night..other than settling sme personal stuffs and sorted out the relationship finally...

sunday was more interesting...went to watch valient at ps with claryn and turtle...the how was quite funny and it's a worthwhile watch...but watch it on a weekday ya...if u go on a weekend..u will end up watching it with a whole lot of kids and their parents trying to keep them in control..hehe...after tt i went home as the both of them went to work..then later at night..went over to rhino's house and played games...again..lolx...

din managed to wake up on time for lessons on monday...and i ended up going to school late...hahaz...wanted to settle the union work with fanny..but she was on mc again..sianz...

today..never go school again..hahaz..been rotting at home the whole day till now...and here i am blogging...hahaz...i slept the whoe day today...omg...i slept till ard 12 today...went back to sleep at 3 till ard 830...i dunno wat's wrong..but i am feeling really no energy today...sianz...

ok.shall blog till here...until something interesting comes up tonight..if not..i think i'll blog again next time..tataz..::

.:Ah Hao blogged on 10:15 PM:.
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::fucked up day...dunno wat's wrong..but everything just went wrong....

everything just din go to plan...a day of rest became a day of major disturbances and unhappiness...slept at 5 in the morning...got woke up by my mom at 8 to go to the market with her...returned at ard 9...fail to fall asleep until 10 plus...then my damn phone has to ring from like 11 till 1...NONSTOP!!!!!!!!! learnt my lesson...should have switched off my phone whenever i plan to have a day's rest...

ok..someone came over to my place today..without informing me or anything...just popped over while i just fell back into sleep...and when tt person arrived..my dad had to wake me up like there is an earthquake...and i woke up abruptly...but seriously and honestly..i wasn't in the mood to do anything at tt point of time..other than sleep...if it was you who had tt little sleep...u would have felt the same.

ok...move on to the other point...ok...i may have been cosing up with u too closely untill u cannot take it...and i realised it..tt's why i stopped disturbing you..den u fell asleep...i left my room to another room to sleep just not to disturb ..cause i move around alot....

so...seriously i dunno wat the hell is ur problem with all this...and u have that mindset of me deeply etched in ur mind and i dun find the point of explaining to u abt the same old things over and over again.. if u dun take wat i say...so be it...i rest my case...maybe i am just tt bad a companion...and to remind u..i din tell u tt i am a saint in the first place..and no one is a saint..

i know if u read alll the above..u will feel so sad again..but this is how i truly feel now...and tt was my damn explanation for everything...and if u really cannot see my point...then dun anyhow make a point and point it against me...

THANKS::

.:Ah Hao blogged on 10:24 PM:.
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::Yay...projects are really over already...hahahz...feel so stress free now...yea yea...hahaz..so happy...

been a really busy semester..no time for anything else other than union and school...dunno if it was a good thing or bad thing...confused..have done fairly well for the sem up till this point...so also wish to do well in school...projects have scored well up till this sem...a B+, an A+, 15.5/20, and still got two more which i dun really know abt the score..

plans for the remaining of the week is to take a break..and start to really study for the exams in the coming week....not really in the mood to blog further today though...haiz..so i shall stop here le...tataz..::

.:Ah Hao blogged on 10:06 PM:.
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::back again on a sunday afternoon...was a tiring day yesterday at the carnival..it looked really bad as not alot of people attended..but tt does not seems like i have less work to do...i had to walk ard and check on the guys outside who was caught skiving...hahaz...and the organiser kept calling me to ask me abt my group mates...and i had to answer calls and kept walking up and down..but on a personal note..it was fun...talked rot with alot of people..got to know more people...and stuffs like tt..and had alot of jokes with the guys while we were out jalan jalan-ing..lijke all tha magics we came out with the acuvue hand band and the other nonsense that we shared...hahaz

today..another long daay..national rally to attend at nus...i dunno how to go also..sianz...and it's a 5 hour event..i am so tired...cannot finish my proj..how??die die die...

dunno wat to write already..shall blog again tonight...tataz...::

.:Ah Hao blogged on 12:33 PM:.
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::i am back...wat a tiring day..spent the whole day on projs..hahahz...but quite fun..did shooting and designing of posters for CFAS...it was fun...

been feeling funny lately...ultra tired...i dunno why..but i am just tired..no matter wat i do...i am tired..i do get enuff sleep...but i am still tired...go for a short exercise seems to be killing me already...tink i need to work out more..also emotionally wise...tired heart too..lethargic...sometimes i find it hard for me to find anything to motivate me to go on with my interests or my passion...it's too tired to follow my heart nowadays...

hahahz...approaching the end of my sem already...next week is the last week..then two weeks of study break..need to really jia you le..dun wana fail anything this sem...it's super difficult...hahaz...

ok..really tired..shall blog later if i can think of more stuffs to write...::

.:Ah Hao blogged on 10:22 PM:.

::Hahahaz...a new blog skin...dunno if nayone would notice it other than angeline..caued she sort of helped out in helping mi change it..lolx...will try to publicise it more..lolx...

Thank You Angeline!!! not only for the blog..but also volunteering to be there for me if i ever need someone...thank you...thank you for ur words of encouragement also...there are not really other words that i can say to you other than thank you...cause u have really been great...

and ya...was talking to my beloved sista too...hahaz...see i wrote abt you...somemore about the beloved part...lolx...so next time u must write about me kz...hehe...Ok lahz..enuff of the crap...but thanks for all time wasted on me..listening to my woes and my complains...giving me some ideas and ways to solve my problems....really appreciate it ya...i am really grateful for that...dunno how i would survive without ya...u r the best sista i could have ever asked for ya!!!hehe...*hugs*

and not forgetting the people around me for the past few days....thanks for the concern and the advises...i am trying my best to get over it...and try to come up with the best solution for my problems already..thanks for all ur support..

ok...i got to go..my maiden post for my new blog will end here...tataz...::

.:Ah Hao blogged on 12:09 AM:.
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::haiz..a repost to a dead blog...after like 4 and a half months since the last reply...been really an eventful four and half months...a post exam period of fears and anxiety of failing a module,a long and tiring but interesting and meaningful FOC period,an end to a long awaited singlehood,the appointment of presidency to the union and the impeding start of singlehood hitting me again.

Lots of ups and down,highs and lows..but there were periods of meaningless life as well...let's start by the first item i listed...

Fears of failing a module
one of my greatest fear in my polytechnic life...and that is to repeat any more modules..i know i am not a hardworking student but i am not tt stupid too...but sometimes ppl makes mistakes..who doesn't...and all man has fears..but luckily the fear was lifted on the day b4 my 20th bdae,on the day when my results are released..i passed tt particular module with a D..i know a D is not something really to be proud of..but i am really glad to pass tt module because i made loads of careless mistakes in tt paper..

FOC Period
FOC period this year is different from the ones i had previously cause this year i am involved in the planning and the execution of the programs itself...rather than just following instructions blindly...it has been really enriching and i did learn alot from the activities..most prominently hopnite..to me..it was a great success compared to other years which i had attended..(no offence to the previous organiser) and i had alot of fun from hopnite itself...made a whole load of new frens...not from hopnite only..but also from the camp...it surely was the most enriching holiday period i ever had...somemore i celebrated my bdae in camp..realy glad to have frens like them..and the surprise they gave me was really cool..

End of Singlehood
Got to know a really cute and sweet girl from FOC this year and she happens to be a gl for my neighbouring group...was really close to her before camp and also after camp...we started to talk alot since the day we first met at the matriculation maze as we started off the conversation with us claiming to be each other's cousins cause we share the same surname..it was really interesting and at tt point of time..i got a couple of my frens who were interested in her as well...but well..at tt point of time..i wasn;t and i really treated her like a sister only...then came the daily dose of phone calls and late night conversations together...we grew closer and more attached to each other..fell in love with her at tt point of time and i decided to make some progress...and really it did work out in the end..and on the 13th of june 2005, i got together with her...ending the story of us being "cousins" effectively...

Appointment of Presidency
Ran for elections for SU again this year...aimed for a top 2 positions and in the end i really got wat i aimed for...the President of the 24th Exco of NPSU...it sure does sound prestigious..and news spreads real fast..people ard me got to knwo abt the news and congratualted me..and i was sort of happy at that moment...but the upcoming events really made my heart sank..the SLS in particular..clubs and societies approached the union only for one purpose..and tt is for financial assitance...it really did set me thinking...is the union ther really only to provide money??if it is so...why do we need a finance office...but i understand fully that the union should provide help to these people cause they really need help..but it is their approach towards us that has put me off...and the issue of the cca points...it made me really think tt either some people has no brains or they really are brainless...cause it says MAX 9..not confirmed 9...and let me tell all the arses out there..who thinks that the 9 points is really marvellous...it is not easy to obtain either...i have to accept alot of questions and huge responsibilities are on my shoulder...i am not making myself to be that pathetic to gain sympathy...neither do i want any sympathy...with great roles comes great responsibilities...so since i had agreed to take up the role..i will handle all the responsibilities that comes with it..and people out there...if u wish to see me fall..i can tell yu...FAT HOPE!!! i had come so far...no way am i gonna quit...

Impeding return of Singlehood
the mention of this topics saddens me..only less than two months into the relationship...problems are resurfacing once again...the same old problem...mi not being trustworthy enough...i dunno wat's wrong seriously...the relationship has becoming like a stalemate...it has stopped progressing forward..at leas it seeems to me tt it is like this now..at the present moment...we are not that close anymore...i dunno wat to tell her..cause i got nth to say...and she thinks tt i dun want to talk to her...i dunno how she got all these ideas tt i am acually talking to her for the sake of talking to her...but i am not...i am just tired..of work..of everything..where were you when i needed you..i planned out stuffs to make a day memorable..in the end it backfired and shot myself in the feet...i asked myself if i was foolish or was i plain stupid...or it's just tt u cannot make a sacrifice for me...and just tell a white lie for once..i am not encouraging u to lie...but i just dun understand why...i told u i needed you alot...but all i get from you is wait...and at thei presnt moment..i am still waiting..but i am tired..becos fo other factors ard me...and u are claiming tt i am not giving u enough support...and i am not helping out at all...think abt it...when i told you tt i am behind you no matter wat happens...u chose to do nth and just sit still and wait for the day to come..and now..it has come..but i had already resigned to fate that you are not able to make the necessary changes for me as at the present moment...but my support is there...and u keep thinking tt i am not there...so fine..watever u say counts...cause i really dunno wat to say....

i haev been thinking abt the past few weeks..it has been no different like when i am single..in terms of lifestyle...late nights out with my frens...stayovers...but with the same old qn popping out...where is my gf??i really dunno how to answer the qn..or maybe u should say tt i am tired from answering qns like tt....cause i have been repaeting my answers all over again and again...u dun realise my situation and yet u are saying tt i am giving you the cold shoulder...but look at the period of time when i am free..it's either u are not free..or you have to be at home...how many weekends have i spent alone..when was the last time we catch a movie..when was the last time we went to town together..i admit tt i dun have tt much time for u as well...but it seems to me like our lifestyles clashed with each other in some way or another...and the way of how our family perceive our relationship....i am totally at a lost now...i dun want to lose you but at the same time..it is very tough for the both of us to continue in this manner..unless something happens and lift the relationship up...if not i am really at my wits end of how to solve this big big problem....i dun want to see u suffer becos of the relationship and at the same time i know the impact of a bad first relationship it will have on an individual...

i am really sorry...really...

sometimes i think back to the time when we got together...mayeb at tt point of time u still dun really know who am i..and i also did not have a fuller undersatnding of u...i blindly and stupidly tot tt as long as we loved each other..no problem is too great for us to overcome...and in the end..our problems all start from an incident that happenend even b4 we got together...and it has been bothering us since then...wat am i gonna do..i dunno...can someone tell me wat to do...

haiz....::

.:Ah Hao blogged on 2:47 AM:.
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