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haiz..a repost to a dead blog...after like 4 and a half months since the last reply...been really an eventful four and half months...a post exam period of fears and anxiety of failing a module,a long and tiring but interesting and meaningful FOC period,an end to a long awaited singlehood,the appointment of presidency to the union and the impeding start of singlehood hitting me again.
Lots of ups and down,highs and lows..but there were periods of meaningless life as well...let's start by the first item i listed...
Fears of failing a module
one of my greatest fear in my polytechnic life...and that is to repeat any more modules..i know i am not a hardworking student but i am not tt stupid too...but sometimes ppl makes mistakes..who doesn't...and all man has fears..but luckily the fear was lifted on the day b4 my 20th bdae,on the day when my results are released..i passed tt particular module with a D..i know a D is not something really to be proud of..but i am really glad to pass tt module because i made loads of careless mistakes in tt paper..
FOC Period
FOC period this year is different from the ones i had previously cause this year i am involved in the planning and the execution of the programs itself...rather than just following instructions blindly...it has been really enriching and i did learn alot from the activities..most prominently hopnite..to me..it was a great success compared to other years which i had attended..(no offence to the previous organiser) and i had alot of fun from hopnite itself...made a whole load of new frens...not from hopnite only..but also from the camp...it surely was the most enriching holiday period i ever had...somemore i celebrated my bdae in camp..realy glad to have frens like them..and the surprise they gave me was really cool..
End of Singlehood
Got to know a really cute and sweet girl from FOC this year and she happens to be a gl for my neighbouring group...was really close to her before camp and also after camp...we started to talk alot since the day we first met at the matriculation maze as we started off the conversation with us claiming to be each other's cousins cause we share the same surname..it was really interesting and at tt point of time..i got a couple of my frens who were interested in her as well...but well..at tt point of time..i wasn;t and i really treated her like a sister only...then came the daily dose of phone calls and late night conversations together...we grew closer and more attached to each other..fell in love with her at tt point of time and i decided to make some progress...and really it did work out in the end..and on the 13th of june 2005, i got together with her...ending the story of us being "cousins" effectively...
Appointment of Presidency
Ran for elections for SU again this year...aimed for a top 2 positions and in the end i really got wat i aimed for...the President of the 24th Exco of NPSU...it sure does sound prestigious..and news spreads real fast..people ard me got to knwo abt the news and congratualted me..and i was sort of happy at that moment...but the upcoming events really made my heart sank..the SLS in particular..clubs and societies approached the union only for one purpose..and tt is for financial assitance...it really did set me thinking...is the union ther really only to provide money??if it is so...why do we need a finance office...but i understand fully that the union should provide help to these people cause they really need help..but it is their approach towards us that has put me off...and the issue of the cca points...it made me really think tt either some people has no brains or they really are brainless...cause it says MAX 9..not confirmed 9...and let me tell all the arses out there..who thinks that the 9 points is really marvellous...it is not easy to obtain either...i have to accept alot of questions and huge responsibilities are on my shoulder...i am not making myself to be that pathetic to gain sympathy...neither do i want any sympathy...with great roles comes great responsibilities...so since i had agreed to take up the role..i will handle all the responsibilities that comes with it..and people out there...if u wish to see me fall..i can tell yu...FAT HOPE!!! i had come so far...no way am i gonna quit...
Impeding return of Singlehood
the mention of this topics saddens me..only less than two months into the relationship...problems are resurfacing once again...the same old problem...mi not being trustworthy enough...i dunno wat's wrong seriously...the relationship has becoming like a stalemate...it has stopped progressing forward..at leas it seeems to me tt it is like this now..at the present moment...we are not that close anymore...i dunno wat to tell her..cause i got nth to say...and she thinks tt i dun want to talk to her...i dunno how she got all these ideas tt i am acually talking to her for the sake of talking to her...but i am not...i am just tired..of work..of everything..where were you when i needed you..i planned out stuffs to make a day memorable..in the end it backfired and shot myself in the feet...i asked myself if i was foolish or was i plain stupid...or it's just tt u cannot make a sacrifice for me...and just tell a white lie for once..i am not encouraging u to lie...but i just dun understand why...i told u i needed you alot...but all i get from you is wait...and at thei presnt moment..i am still waiting..but i am tired..becos fo other factors ard me...and u are claiming tt i am not giving u enough support...and i am not helping out at all...think abt it...when i told you tt i am behind you no matter wat happens...u chose to do nth and just sit still and wait for the day to come..and now..it has come..but i had already resigned to fate that you are not able to make the necessary changes for me as at the present moment...but my support is there...and u keep thinking tt i am not there...so fine..watever u say counts...cause i really dunno wat to say....
i haev been thinking abt the past few weeks..it has been no different like when i am single..in terms of lifestyle...late nights out with my frens...stayovers...but with the same old qn popping out...where is my gf??i really dunno how to answer the qn..or maybe u should say tt i am tired from answering qns like tt....cause i have been repaeting my answers all over again and again...u dun realise my situation and yet u are saying tt i am giving you the cold shoulder...but look at the period of time when i am free..it's either u are not free..or you have to be at home...how many weekends have i spent alone..when was the last time we catch a movie..when was the last time we went to town together..i admit tt i dun have tt much time for u as well...but it seems to me like our lifestyles clashed with each other in some way or another...and the way of how our family perceive our relationship....i am totally at a lost now...i dun want to lose you but at the same time..it is very tough for the both of us to continue in this manner..unless something happens and lift the relationship up...if not i am really at my wits end of how to solve this big big problem....i dun want to see u suffer becos of the relationship and at the same time i know the impact of a bad first relationship it will have on an individual...
i am really sorry...really...
sometimes i think back to the time when we got together...mayeb at tt point of time u still dun really know who am i..and i also did not have a fuller undersatnding of u...i blindly and stupidly tot tt as long as we loved each other..no problem is too great for us to overcome...and in the end..our problems all start from an incident that happenend even b4 we got together...and it has been bothering us since then...wat am i gonna do..i dunno...can someone tell me wat to do...
haiz....::
.:Ah Hao blogged on 2:47 AM:.
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