::*WARNING*the post below is going to be depressive..not for the depressed...

have been really discovering how bad life would be during the holidays...i dunno..but i am bored..suddenly i feel tt frens has distance off..made alot of stupid mistakes maybe..i dunno...but i am just left alone..all alone...to bear the "coldness" of a lonely holiday..and this is suppose to be the last one tt i can really go out and play...the next holidays will be a long tiring one..

it is yet another lonely friday night..dunno wat are my frens doing..they seems to have disappeared from the face of my world...where are all of you???missed you all manz...

but in true fact..i know where they are exactly..and at they are doing...my good frens are now in the army le..haiz..really no time to see each other le bahz...i should be in the army by now..if i had been tt bit more hardworking in the past...sometimes i really think back to my sec sch days..did i really make the best out of it..and did i perform to my best??during tt time...i told myself i did my best already..no regrets...but it seems tt i could have done better and i am having some sort of regrets now..but then again..if i had not taken that path in life..i wun be where i am currently..which i am sort of glad..so i feel contradicted at times...i am enjoying good status now...but at the same time...i seem to have lost all the good frens and my buddies...tt's how life can be..and how fair God can be to ppl??

life is in a total mess now...came back from training today...super unfit me i should say...did some drills and i am already having difficulties catching my breathe...how am i gonna play in the upcoming tournament...haiz..think i will lose my place to the other team mates i guess...if i still dun improve on my fitness...

as sad as i can be...being the head of an organisation is not easy..something i had learnt over the past few months..been under some sort of mental stress...i dunno..maybe it is self-applied or the surrondings has given me the pressure...but at the same time...it has made me grow up alot and learn alot...like how to manage different ppl and trying to bring out the best in everybody...but up till this current moment..i still haven acheive tt..but i am still trying...but sometimes...being a student is not easy...and it is never easy being a student leader...but i had chosen the route i want to take..and i have no regrets...but sometimes deep down i still ask myself..having a status like this but not appreciated..in fact i am like just another guy who has to be in charge of all the odd jobs...then why in the first place they need someone like this?

true...i am not some special talent...neither clever nor charming...maybe nvr to get a chance to really prove who i am...and what i can really do...

feeling lost...if there is any shepherd ard...come guide me home...or sent me onto a road of brightness and not let mi with stuck in darkness and boredom...

i dunno if i am turning into someone whom i dun wanna be...but it seems like i am getting very low in mood nowadays...morale hasn't been high recently...a dip in my moods..and it's not swinging back to the good side...how how how??tell me how..

send me a shrink..or just someone simple..someone i can pour out all my feelings to...someone whom i can talk to without having to run away from reality and truth..someone whom i can tell them my dislikes of stuffs and ppl without offending anyone...maybe i dun need them at all...i just need doraemon...bring me back to time in the drawer and i shall try to change my past..to see wat i would be presently....

in all senses...being me now..is somehow fun.and also somehow disturbing at times..tell me wat can i do...haiz...::

.:Ah Hao blogged on 2:41 AM:.
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